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William Saint George Aug 31, 2012

Positive Critique WS Ex #2

The hands of the crown
set sails to the wind
to widen the kingdom's
waistline.

They bloated and gloated,
without care or worry,
the whole wide world
was their backyard.

The fattened cow soon
learned the cruelest truth
when she rested her side
on a spire.

Like a rubber goes pop
on a needle's sharp top
her bubbling ego was burst.

Ian.T Aug 31, 2012

Cliché's for critique

Love On The Wing
Got a story to tell you
You had better believe it
I am going to, spill the beans.

On the mating of Termites
The flying one’s take off
In sultry Summer’s sun, singing,
To everything there is a season.

I think more of a reason,
As they lift off to, go with the flow
Once they are mated and sated
Down they come losing their wings

Crawling helpless on the ground
They have eaten half my house
With their nasty habits
Worse than Australian rabbits

scribbler Aug 30, 2012

REASON FOR HASTE (positive critique shop 2nd poem)

Our sweaty bodies roll apart
contentment mixed with hints of guilt
so relaxed that I let flee a fart---------------------Onamatopeia
then cover her head with the quilt

Beside the bed alarm clock sounds
reminding us it's six o'clock
and as I exit bedding mounds
her hand grasps at my old.............sock-------------Caesura

William Saint George Aug 30, 2012

The Lion In The Cage (Positive Critique WS #1)

The Lion wakes up in the morn,
and sits up in the cage.
The sheep rose up and put him there
to watch the old beast age.

They shut him in,
they shut him up,
they'll never let him out.

His cubs are lost
without his roar;
they fear the bleating sheep.

scribbler Aug 27, 2012

TOO LATE (positive critique shop exercise #1) self critique

Like hasty hurried hummingbirds
before the first cool autumn breeze
names and places, even words
fade like mundane memories

Whisps of mists are all that's left
of a mind once crisp and clear
ere long my mind will be bereft
of even those I now hold close

Before ability absconds
I'll go on one last woodland wander
Ere Alshimmers steals my sole
I'll.....I'lll....I'll what? I sit and wonder
Before....Befive.....Honeybees....BB's....................

Ian.T Aug 27, 2012

Imagery (Simile or metaphor that is the ???) Critique exercise 1

A metaphor is a literary figure of speech that describes a subject by asserting that it is, on some point of comparison, the same as another otherwise unrelated object.
Metaphor is a type of analogy and is closely related to other rhetorical figures of speech that achieve their effects via association, comparison or resemblance including allegory, hyperbole, and simile.