REASON FOR HASTE (positive critique shop 2nd poem)

First thing to commend is the rhyme. It works well with the poem, and add a great effect to an interesting story.

I did not feel the effect of the caesuras though. I usually get the full effect when they're used with punctuation and such. I wouldn't have guessed "fart" was onomatopoeic too.

I'm new to the Aubade, so this educates me as well. The "wow" in the poem is the very last line, which cleverly reveals the allegory in the piece.

Best thing I've read all morning. :D

Which one of these do you expect me to remember it was three seconds after I had read it I had to read it again, it's an age thing..
Well written there and very plain to see each of the types thank you..
Yours Ian.T

A fair example of onamatopeia, a fun take with caesura. something new for me with aubade - i'll have to go and look that up. :) thank you

However, i do have my doubts as to whether this is allegory

Allegory is a form of extended metaphor, in which objects, persons, and actions in a narrative, are equated with the meanings that lie outside the narrative itself. The underlying meaning has moral, social, religious, or political significance, and characters are often personifications of abstract ideas as charity, greed, or envy.

Thus an allegory is a story with two meanings, a literal meaning and a symbolic meaning. It is the representation of abstract ideas or principles by characters, figures, or events

the most commonly quoted piece of allegory are Tolkien's Lord of the Rings and Orwell's Animal Farm

i see what you are claiming as allegory more as text and subtext... and lol - i may well be wrong

love judy
xxx

But the Caesura's (Caesurae?) aren't real ones at all, if you need to put in ellipses. A real Caesura is a break in meaning or a crafted break in meter.

Aubade could have been used more craftily, and honestly the allegory doesn't come through, it's a punchline.

Still, got to admit, I got a giggle and enjoyed the poem.

but i think the following, although termed a 'mind rhyme' is a form of caesura

there once was a farmer who took a young miss
to the back of a barnyard to give her a lecture
on horses and chickens and eggs
and told her that she had such beautiful manners
that suited a girl of her charms
a girl he would like to take in his washing
and ironing and then if she did
they could get married and raise lots of sweet violets

xxxx

• Caesura

A grammatical pause or break in a line of poetry (like a question mark), usually near the middle of the line.

Caesurae

Another component of a verse’s meter are the caesurae (literally, cuts), which are not pauses but compulsory word boundaries which occur after a particular syllabic position in every line of a poem.
In Latin and Greek poetry, a caesura is a break within a foot caused by the end of a word.
For example, in the verse below, each odd line has a caesura (shown by a slash /) after the fourth syllable (daily, her, won’dring, mother) while each even line is without a caesura:

Daily, daily, / sing to Mary,
Sing my soul her praises due:
All her feasts, her / actions honor,
With the heart’s devotion true.
Now in wond’ring / contemplation,
Be her majesty confessed;
Call her Mother / call her Virgin,
Happy Mother, Virgin blest.

A caesura would split the word “devotion” in the fourth line or the word “majesty” in the sixth line.

Just a few lines from my "C" part of poetry forms but I think that the farmer was so stupid what did he know about lectures probably letchers LOL, Great learning on this one if only I could remember one line of it, Yours Ian. T

This will be the most comprehensive comment I think I shall ever give on a work, I have been asked to use my own words and I have forgotten most of those four letter ones Damn is all I can Do

so relaxed that I let flee a fart---------------------Onamatopeia
So relaxing, the (buzz ) of a fleeing fart....... Onomatopoeic

her hand grasps at my old.............sock-------------Caesura
Her hand grasps.. at my old sock....Caesura is a mid line break?

later today I'll sigh and grieve-------------------thus making this an Aubade
As I rise I will sing of grief... Aubade is a morning song.. a Serenade is
for the evenings light..

But night shift ends..........as they all do
you must go and I must stay
and (mahe) breakfast for we both know who.... Typo
my wife returns at break of day------------------this reveals the Allegory
A shinning light that feeds me and you... Allegory
Where the person is described as a symbol (Shinning Light that feeds)

Stan I have gone absolutely mad on this one, I hope you wont mind me using it to show that I can critique at a higher level lol Take care young traveller, we walk together, Yours Ian.T

PS:- I may get slated for this lol