Rula

Aug 27, 2012

This poem is part of the workshop:

Critique workshop - positive critiques

(Read More...)

imagery..Personification (positive Critique WS) #1

When the flowers smile,

my heart swings

and sways

then all the words

go silent.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Personification is giving human traits (qualities, feelings, action, or characteristics) to non-living objects (things, colors, qualities, or ideas). For example: The window winked at me. The verb, wink, is a human action. A window is a non-living object

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

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Comments

rula this is an awesome write

apart from the personification of the flowers, which one can visualise very easily, the ‘s’ alliteration really adds to the gentleness of the write

and ‘all the words go silent’ – also personifying words is a magical touch

I really felt myself swaying with the flowers’ smiles and hearing hearts' song, and the sudden silence following was palpable. very effectively done - i think the continuation of the 's' alliteration had something to do with this effect

so simply written, but such great imagery

love judy
xxx

one little thing

i keep getting confused too
but this is 'positive critique' workshop
'constructive' was the one we did with beau
xxx

Thank you dear Judy

Done

Rula

Is the flower the desert Rose?? lol
Very well done and as Judy said small.
You were short and I was definitely small.
See you in the next round,
Yours Ian.T

hello

You have now shown why I should use personification more lol. And also packed a lot into a short poem...........stan

Thanks all dear friends

for the encouraging words ..I think this means I have passed ex.1 with flying colours..:)

lol rula

you have passed half of exercise 1 with flying colours

remember it is a two part exercise - writing and critiquing

- and you did well with the other half too btw

xxx

Love this, Rula

it has all the profound qualities of short poetry.

But my pet peeve, I hate centred poetry. It should be aligned left unless you have a bloody good reason for doing otherwise.

there is of course a bloody reason

I like it :) :)

Fair enough

but it demeans your poetry,
make it decorative rather than meaningful

:))

Women like to decorate, look it from this side of view , but I shall take care of the decoration of my home and leave poetry without :( :)

Fair enough, my dear

I find all decoration incomprehensible as a poet/scientist/ideologue.

If I was an architect everything would be boringly Bauhaus.

Thank goodness there are people who decorate or the world would be very boring.

But I still intensely dislike centred poetry, it reminds me of greeting cards.

Nice poem Rula.

But is personification restricted only to "human traits"? How would you describe a device that gives traits of other animals to non-living objects. And vice versa.
example: "Her beaming face" or "The window cawed as it turned on the old hinge."

I hope I'm making sense. I can barely get the stuff I'm writing here.

personification

Attributing human characteristics to an inanimate object, animal, or abstract idea. Example: The days crept by slowly, sorrowfully.

your examples william are more perhaps analogy or contrast?

love judy

xxx

or even, maybe

Synesthesia?
xxx

It's more analogy than

It's more analogy than synesthesia.

dear rula

beautiful alliteration with the ‘s’ sound, which I always find a gentle one

and this whole write is gentle, set off with the image of the flowers smiling

‘swing’ and ‘sway’, movement words using the ‘s’ sound again affected my senses – I close my eyes – I swing and sway

and the ending – that feeling of awe, that has no room for words

a thought for the finish – it does change the context slightly
‘then all sound
goes silent.’

but that is just a thought, as your finish is amazing and in no need of change

love judy
xxx

The imagery evoked by this

The imagery evoked by this poem was that of a calm, peaceful ending. The flowers come to me as a sign of ending life, or a hope of beginning life. In this poem, it assumes a meaning closer to the former.

The "joyous" bits of the poem come with the first to lines that end in a smile and a swing. They're like a brief ray of sunshine.

Then the poem quickly falls with a "sways", which aptly is a short line. It's like changing the key of a melody from a lighter to a darker one.

The last two lines wrap the poem up neatly. I liked her use of "words", as it comes to me as more related to a poet's life.

The very last line, also two words long, echoes the third one, and the feeling of finality ends there.

The whole poem is like running a scale and ending on the tonic. It's final and complete.

Thank you William

That's indeed more that I've expected to be thought of such this short poem of mine but you and judy make me really feel proud for writing this little piece . Thanks again.

Rula'a critique

I choose not to read the other critiques until after my own is submitted. I want the critique to be purely my own processes.

I find the poem erotic, or more exactly I find that what Rula is personifying is an object of active want. Her single reaction is for her "heart to swing and sway" when the flowers smile. I see a honeybee.

Ron

Ron..Amazing how you've

painted your critique.It surpasses the beauty of my verses.I really like it.
Thank you

The pleasure was all mine and of the workshop.

I LOVE YOUR VOICE!

Ron

I haven't yet read all the

I haven't yet read all the comments here, but want to add a wee note myself.

This is like the haiku type of poetry short
with a whole meaning in a few words.

Flowers smile,
my heart sways,
all words are silent

could even cut out all I suppose, but that's more like a haiku's essence of meaning.
Not to belittle the validity of your poem as it is, oh no, I love it, and will cherish it
as it is Rula.

where yours is full of happiness and joy at life and flowers ...
the one I made is full of other meanings maybe,
personal experiences hidden may come to life,
according to who reads it.

Love to you dear Rula.
Ann

Anna

nothing pleases me than being paid a visit from a dear friend with such adds and comments.
Always appreciated dear
Love to you too.