BlueDemon77
BlueDemon77
Sep 27, 2012
This poem is part of the workshop:

Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge

(Read More...)

KDT2

KDT 2

Goodbye my love
our times have come and gone
we passed through a luxuriant hallway
filled with obstacles and end tables
wall mounted swords on mahogany and velvet
as red as the candles we've burned
as red as the blood from my finger
as you drew it across your lips
The color seemed to suit you

Goodbye my thirst
loosed in a large room
had you named a foe, I would have fought
when you sat to the side to watch
mat-beat and sore
I saw the exit approaching
I tried to hold your hand in that last second

Goodbye my friend
enveloped in grey solitude
I could throw myself away to attempt
one last gasp
one last grasp
one last lapse
your hand open, expensive lotion
an end

My hand covered my heart
what hurts calls out

We did what we did, as we should've.....

as the luminous moon claimed its children.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It's your cipher.....

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Columbus, Ohio, USA

Favorite Poets: Rimbaud

More from this author

Comments

Seren

Seren

12 years 7 months ago

I felt a blanket of grief lying under these words
well written I cant see anything I would change
I look forward to reading more from you

kind regards Jayne-Chloe

BlueDemon77

Yes, I would definitely say there is more than a touch of sadness there. It's about two people who love each other that just aren't meant to be. I was one of them and the other's initials grace the subject line.

Ron

weirdelf

At first reading I though it was a eulogy of complex feelings. Maybe in a sense it is.

It will stay with me, so it fills the terms or mindful and memorable.

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 7 months ago

A poetic display of hidden feelings , fleeting memories of regret and longing, we all seem to be suffering for not doing what we should have done at the time.
I still on this one, think that the actual image of what you lost, would display the memorable better, but that's just me, Yours Ian.T

PS:- I thought that the initials were for, Kiss Don't Tell, still wonder about the 2 though..