I’m sinking down
into myself
crashing into dark
and I wallow
in my own salvation
I am not pain. Not decay.
Not loss
I am more than my dying
and at each turning
there unfolds something
undiscovered
.
I’m sinking down
into myself
crashing into dark
and I wallow
in my own salvation
I am not pain. Not decay.
Not loss
I am more than my dying
and at each turning
there unfolds something
undiscovered
.
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hi Geremia
I think you should either add to this poem or leave a footnote as to what you were trying to portray here. "I am more than dying" a little twist in the tail there. I like it but I'm greedy I want more brother.
John
Will do,John, Thanks.
Will do,John, Thanks.
awesome joe
just awesome - yes, we are more than what we leave behind here.
'wallow in my own salvation... am more than my dying' - what great word usage throughout this write
this i think is one of the best i've seen from you
love judy
xxxx
Joe
I’m sinking down into myself:-
In there you will find a beautiful Spirit that is you
And wallow in my own salvation,:-
Your strict beliefs will eventually take you where you have to go
I am not pain.:-
Pain or lack of pain can torment even the strongest of Spirits.
Not decay. Not loss:-
That you are whole and not sick yet leaving is harder to bear than an illness this needs more strength..
I am more than my dying:-
Joe you are much more than your dying, the accumulation of all you have given in your days here will shine brighter than a new star..
You are in our thoughts always, Yours Ian.T , Anne and Friends
i really preferred
'salvation' to 'crucifixion' = you could make the title 'crucifixion' and keep 'salvation' in the poem....
:(
xx
yes. thanks
yes. thanks