loved
loved
Jun 26, 2011
This poem is part of the workshop:

Writing Forms workshop

(Read More...)

She!

She!

You must appreciate,
That the Phoenix
Here is not I
But a distraught one
I did try to rise
Above the pavilion of self,
Tsunamied by the grace
Of thy God
Tis only love
I wanted upon my soul
To shower upon that Phoenix,
A beautiful flower
Ere the limitations
Of physical constraints
Cease her to exist
But she has a heart of gold
To her poetry and mind
Despite her limitations
I’m sold

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This poem is for CRUZ'S workshop poetry critique stuff

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ROU

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

13 years 10 months ago

how to access the workshop! if this is what you are submitting to the work-shop, it is not true to the
form we were asked for. It is supposed to be four stanzas, and I don't know how you want to break it up.
It is a very good poem, but we should stick to what we are asked for. I thought that it was really good, the title is rather unique, and it was consistant all the way through. Maybe you should change the capitals in each line to lower case, and use a little puncuation. ~ Gee

loved

loved

13 years 10 months ago

In reply to by yenti

Pardon my unintelligence…. this time thou speaketh in riddles

a phoenix is a bird
which rises from the dead,
fire, when ashes crumble
and
the last spark reignites…

a dragon is a concept of a phoenix,
it’s a dragon for ever,
Like, the bard sleepeth to ponder,
Beyond yonder
My dear Ian

loved

loved

13 years 10 months ago

Your precious thoughts,
I shall embed,
In my softened head,
When in heaven I’m dead
And that you think,
Beyond this world lies a heaven,
That’s my only dread
And as a bard,
I shall be true to you,
When I’m there,
If I am,
I will introduce you too

Breakinglogic

this is a rather captivating read,
I owed two crosses for understanding
and twice that in veneration.
I much enjoy an enigmatic write that is digested from consistent ideas

very well done, I believe

cheers,
logic