Rula
Rula
May 03, 2024
This poem is part of the workshop:

How to use imagery in poetry..

(Read More...)

A way Out!

At night
it's hard to tell
what goes on there
or behind
It's dark and
so quiet that
only silence would bark.

So let's wait till morning's eye
Is kind enough to serve
a clearer sight

Only then we can both
find a way

Out

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "A Way Out!" presents a vivid picture of a night scene, with the use of metaphors and personifications to convey a sense of mystery and anticipation. The structure of the poem is simple and straightforward, which contributes to its overall clarity.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The phrase "only silence would bark" is a bit confusing. While it's clear that this is meant to be a metaphor, it's not immediately apparent what it's supposed to represent. Is it the overwhelming quiet of the night, or is it a metaphor for something else? Clarifying this could help to strengthen the overall message of the poem.

The line "Is kind enough to serve a clearer sight" could also be more effectively phrased. The use of the word "serve" here is a bit awkward. Perhaps a different verb could be used to convey the idea of the morning providing a clearer view.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more definitive conclusion. The line "Only then we can both find a way Out" leaves the reader with a sense of uncertainty. While this may be intentional, providing a more concrete ending could give the poem a stronger sense of closure.

Overall, the poem has a strong foundation, but could benefit from some revisions to clarify its metaphors and strengthen its conclusion.

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