Sheddie
Sheddie
Jun 01, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week May 27th To June 3rd 2023

(Read More...)

Life Walked Through Us

Life walked through us,
While we laughed, loved in love,
The times drenching in silvery
Every minute glorious, glittering, golden
Forever to remember, passing many Decembers..

Life walked, phasing through us,
While we cried, cruised, crawled in cowardice,
The joy we shared when we journeyed,
Every grace we graced, many peace, plenty pieces.
Forever my friend, eternity my friend.

Life walked, gently moving past us,
When you smiled, shuddered, slept,
Telling us to admire the way you rest,
Everything changed, crashed,
Failing when life took you along.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria , NGA

Favorite Poets: Niyi osunadare

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Thank you for sharing your poem "Life Walked Through Us". Your poem captures the essence of life's journey with its ups and downs. The contrast between the joyful moments and the moments of fear and sadness is well portrayed.

The use of imagery in the first stanza is particularly effective. The use of silvery, glorious, glittering, and golden to describe the times you shared with loved ones creates a vivid picture in the reader's mind. The repetition of "Forever to remember" emphasizes the importance of these moments and their lasting impact.

In the second stanza, the contrast between the joyful moments and the moments of fear and sadness is well portrayed. The use of "cruised" and "crawled in cowardice" creates a sense of movement and stagnation, respectively. The line "many peace, plenty pieces" is a bit unclear and could benefit from further elaboration.

The third stanza is a poignant tribute to a friend who has passed away. The use of "gently

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

tells a story of people who had life in their relationship, and treated life as though it were a thing all of its own; which makes the poem about what happens when "life" moves on and leaves one behind. Life then becomes something of an entity; to be
thought of as a "friend". Well done! ~ Geezer.
.

RoseBlack

This is a great write. Sometimes we get left behind or the ones doing the leaving behind. Good job.

Sheddie

Thanks Rose..
If there's a way to stop our loved ones from leaving our sides, if only...
We just have to live the rest of our lives bearing losses upon losses