jomojo
Apr 03, 2020
This poem is part of the contest:

YOUR BEST

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Silence

Dresses all in black
gently tiptoeing into the room
heading into the shadows like a
brooding beatnik waiting
for a turn to speak
golden tresses cascading down her shoulders

she subtly makes her presence known
smells like the start of winter and whispers
like the first snowfall of the year

you can taste her in the pristine snowflakes
falling on your tongue as you face
the heavens

in her down-time she
crochets custom-fit blankets from clouds
so you can feel her comfort when you
need it most

she is timid,
easily broken,
by boys with mechanical toys and girls
with chatty cathy dolls

but when she is in her glory
she will not hesitate to pick you up and
gobble you down

once you are completely consumed it is there,
it is there in her belly
that you can find your voice.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: California US

Favorite Poets: ee cummings

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Welcome to Neopoet. Your theme is great, but It goes from a placid, playful being, to a fierce thing in the last two verses.
I can understand the reason, but the switch is rather abrupt and jarring. I hear nothing of the [voice] that you speak of until then, All of a sudden you are being consumed and then given a voice. Just a little bit confusing. ~ Geezer.
.

Rula

Welcome to Neopoet.
I very much enjoyed the images through out. Some great imagery especially in the 2nd, 3rd and 4th stanzas.
I am not sure what you think of Geezer's critique, but one thing I'm sure about, he always knows what he is saying, so I would take his advice if this was mine, just saying, it is yours and you know better.

J

Thank you Rula, Geezer
I appreciate all of your feedback and welcome it!

My intent was to challenge my own relationship with silence and appreciate having those moments that I can succumb to a state that inspires the muse for me, despite the fact that it can also force me to get into my own head when it's easier/safer to be pulled away by distractions (noise)...

I look forward to continue sharing and learning from fellow poets, particularly at this time where we are all somewhat isolated.

best,
joann

J

i appreciate your kind words :) can't wait to work alongside you and all the other amazing poets on this site!