Dresses all in black
gently tiptoeing into the room
heading into the shadows like a
brooding beatnik waiting
for a turn to speak
golden tresses cascading down her shoulders
she subtly makes her presence known
smells like the start of winter and whispers
like the first snowfall of the year
you can taste her in the pristine snowflakes
falling on your tongue as you face
the heavens
in her down-time she
crochets custom-fit blankets from clouds
so you can feel her comfort when you
need it most
she is timid,
easily broken,
by boys with mechanical toys and girls
with chatty cathy dolls
but when she is in her glory
she will not hesitate to pick you up and
gobble you down
once you are completely consumed it is there,
it is there in her belly
that you can find your voice.
Comments
Hello...
Welcome to Neopoet. Your theme is great, but It goes from a placid, playful being, to a fierce thing in the last two verses.
I can understand the reason, but the switch is rather abrupt and jarring. I hear nothing of the [voice] that you speak of until then, All of a sudden you are being consumed and then given a voice. Just a little bit confusing. ~ Geezer.
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Hello Silence
Welcome to Neopoet.
I very much enjoyed the images through out. Some great imagery especially in the 2nd, 3rd and 4th stanzas.
I am not sure what you think of Geezer's critique, but one thing I'm sure about, he always knows what he is saying, so I would take his advice if this was mine, just saying, it is yours and you know better.
Silence
Thank you Rula, Geezer
I appreciate all of your feedback and welcome it!
My intent was to challenge my own relationship with silence and appreciate having those moments that I can succumb to a state that inspires the muse for me, despite the fact that it can also force me to get into my own head when it's easier/safer to be pulled away by distractions (noise)...
I look forward to continue sharing and learning from fellow poets, particularly at this time where we are all somewhat isolated.
best,
joann
Thanks!
Thanks Mark - I appreciate your feedback :) looking forward to working alongside all y'alls!
Jo
very different but I like it.
thank you!!
i appreciate your kind words :) can't wait to work alongside you and all the other amazing poets on this site!