There is joy
In a picnic basket
Romance
Familial bonds
Like a jar of peanut butter
And a jar of jelly
It is a chance
To come together
And make something
Sticky
To make something
Grand
There is joy
In a picnic basket
Romance
Familial bonds
Like a jar of peanut butter
And a jar of jelly
It is a chance
To come together
And make something
Sticky
To make something
Grand
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
thanks, MarkL!
thanks, MarkL!
Hi Greg
since I'm learning how to critique, I hope you will consider this as a positive attempt in that direction
1. The title Picnic basket is great also revealing what to expect...i liked that as an element of surprise
2. I find repetition of words in few verses which if you want can be easily fixed...here is a suuggestion:-
Like a jar of peanut butter
And a jar of jelly
Like a jar of peanut butter
and a can of jelly
....................................
And make something Sticky
To make something Grand
And make something Sticky
beyond the picnic time
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I did not understand why you chose to capitalize first alphabets of every line
thanks for reading
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