gregwa8
gregwa8
Jun 17, 2018

Picnic Baskets

There is joy
In a picnic basket
Romance
Familial bonds

Like a jar of peanut butter
And a jar of jelly

It is a chance
To come together

And make something
Sticky

To make something
Grand

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

6 years 10 months ago

since I'm learning how to critique, I hope you will consider this as a positive attempt in that direction

1. The title Picnic basket is great also revealing what to expect...i liked that as an element of surprise
2. I find repetition of words in few verses which if you want can be easily fixed...here is a suuggestion:-

Like a jar of peanut butter
And a jar of jelly

Like a jar of peanut butter
and a can of jelly
....................................
And make something Sticky
To make something Grand

And make something Sticky
beyond the picnic time
........................................................
I did not understand why you chose to capitalize first alphabets of every line

thanks for reading
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