Ian.T
Ian.T
Oct 31, 2014
This poem is part of the workshop:

Can you make a limerick serious?

(Read More...)

Be Yourself.. Serious Limericks WS

Look not to my old fashioned way
That reflect faults that would haunt your day.
You've a brain to use
A world to peruse
Just be aware of what I say

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is now a combined effort so don't blame just Me, tra la Lee

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Leicestershire, Ex Moonraker, GBR

Favorite Poets: All those I meet or read about in my books

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

10 years 5 months ago

your language use and thought that went into this limerick is very good. As for the rhyme sequence, to me it fits the sequence...however I am new to this style...

Regards,

wesley snow

The format is not negotiable.
"A limerick is not but a fable
produced by small men hardly able
to give a good rhyme,
a cent or the time
or I've fallen out of me cradle".

Forgive me for using my own as an example, but I'm new to this too, so I need the practice. See how lines 4 and 5 are considerably shorter than the rest? You can't cheat here. It's a limerick. You risk angering the gods by changing the rules.

lovedly

apart from what ws says
don't you think?
u missed a
don't somewhere

just don't or don't just

well very sorry for the intrusion
I have been directed exclusion
asked to be a running linesman
to stay out of the limy can
mine's always an outstanding submission

Ian.T

There is no need for don't in what I wrote.
"Mind what I say" means take notice of what I say.
The Scots use the words a lot, Mind is used in many ways and this is just one of them,
Take care young Bard, Yours Ian

wesley snow

I had trouble with your last line Ian. I've had to take to the book of them I own to read the rhythm until it's easy.

They are beyond disgusting. Obscene. Whatever happened to innuendo? Graphic plumbing is more like it.

I'm alright.