Yesterday I was looking at the sky
and deciding if life was worth living.
Not for me, of course, my life is stellar.
But for these poor sods I witness stumbling
through the day as they reach for misery;
time and time again lamenting their loss
of hope and dreams and every good thing they
might conceive through every fault of their own.
I wonder, should I do the world a service?
Should I end their suffering and my own
annoyance at having to wade through the
morass of desperation they scatter
in the lives of people with some purpose?
Would they be missed more than you might miss the
lack of insects on a cool spring evening?
Do they serve a purpose other than as an
example that life could always be worse?
But then I think of all the paperwork,
all of the endless forms that are required.
And then, of course, there would be the digging.
After all is said and done, perhaps I
will just have a nice cup of espresso.
How Coffee Has Saved the World, Yet Again.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is another blank verse, this time in pentameter without regard to iamb or other structure. The thought for this arose out of a conversation with my eldest son where the central question was: "How much discomfort will I endure in order to make someone else miserable?" And the agreed upon answer was: "None." But coffee? Coffee is worth the effort.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
lol,
coffee and of course "the digging", then I thought, a backhoe
with a cup holder and a tight fitting lid ... hey. Enjoyed the read
and was wondering how you were going to incorporate that
great title.
thanks
I appreciate the read. Hope
I appreciate the read. Hope all is well with you and yours.
love blank verse. the title
love blank verse. the title begged a read and the content delivered. really good opening
two lines. simple, effective words, that hook the reader's interest in what could follow.
this was easy to read, as in it flowed. flowed not just due to it being a well written form poem,
but also because it read as a single, natural thought. like your musings just fell onto the paper.
(well, keyboard, i suppose)
a suggestion offered; line six. perhaps,
"time and time again lamenting their loss" ? just seems smoother to my ear. no big deal.
love the progression of thought here, nothing seems at all forced or seriously considered
for the sake of meter, etc. again, just a natural flow to it all.
very much enjoyed this.
Thanks for the read and
Thanks for the read and suggestion. I agree, your rendering of line six is smoother, so I shall use it.
Ha ha
I liked it too! The title set the scene - and the poem made me smile.
Nice write
Love Mand xxxxx
Prof
You seem to be tutoring your Son to have the right attitude to this rat race.
Maybe the old gals had the right Idea to knit as the guillotine came down.
Should they leave the graves open for the next ones.
At least you made Eph smile, I am starting a euthanasia campaign, should I start off at 60 and work down, and will there be a use for all those bodies green energy or something???
Enjoyed the write good to see some flow, Yours Ian.T
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the comments and suggestions.
Hi Jonathan
I loved it, it had great flow I went right through it to see if I could offer anything in the way of punctuation, typos etc. but it was flawless, as I have come to expect from you, great ending.
kind regards JC