GOOD AND BAD

Every little extra pound
is good to have when winds blow cold
they're not so great to have around
when summer comes or one grows old

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Bet ya'll thought I'd forgotten how to write something short lol............stan

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

If I got the idea right, it

If I got the idea right, it reads almost like the famous saying "save your white penney for the black day" yet I am not sure about the last part of the last verse, it lreads a bit forced but it might be only me.

Hi Rula

I think you might have the pounds here confused with British pounds lol. Try rereading it with pounds meaning extra weight and see if it makes more sense lol. Appreciate your dropping by...............stan

Ah yes

Of course, I should have given it a deeper thought. Now I think this reflects Stan's sense of humor really well
mmm till now I think I'm well satisfied with my weight.

Stan

Trust you with this minimalist attitude to bring up something to really hurt us old folk LOL.
Now write it as a senryu 5-7-5 and then I think I may believe you, or as the seasons are mentioned a Haiku..
Yours as always Ian.T
eg:-
Fat our winters warm
Our old ages burden of scorn
Hot Summer times bane

Cooking on Gas rotflmao, Yours Sparrow xxxx

hi Ian

I apologize for such a late response. I don't know how I missed this comment. I know this was written tongue in cheek with no intent to hurt anybody especially a fellow codger lol.............stan

excellent haiku i had to 5 7 5 check twice

Fat our winters warm
Our old ages burden of scorn
Hot Summer times bane

simplistically

beautiful
have fat no more
than she would .............

Hi loved

Not a Haiku. Just a short Rhyku lol............stan

Hello Stan ....the Scibbler you have lubly humore

humor is better that tumor

Loved to play

With your words today, ebony draped with silk
Chiseled features it did display, for me today
Yet to shorten each line is a task of mine
Away with the grotesque creatures of fat
Anorexia can have a big slap for hurting our eyes
Thin and just skin is no good for me to have
I need something to hold onto there's a good lad.why ??

beautiful features
having fat no more, so slim
figuratively sound

Love you lots yours Sparrow having a flutter..

Hello

It always surprises me when I get new comments from doing minor edits and this is no exception. And I agree that too much weight looks better than too little.........stan