It's a good thing
that there exist
so many people who Do things
Not just sit and talk about
the how and where and worth of deeds
not just record the dull facts
or reckon their costs
Yet there are also
dreamers
who tell what Could be
Should be
in a memorable manner
called poetry
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Dear Stan
I was left asking for more, I really liked this one but I wanted to hear more about the dreamers maybe I am just a greedy lol ... I cant see anything to suggest other than to expand on the story you have so far
I enjoyed this one Stan its very different from your norm your moving out of your comfort zone
love JC xxx
hi Jayne
I figure anybody who reads this can do their own expansion because they are among the dream tellers. And I still poke my nose out of traditional writing every once in a while lol............stan
Yes,
It's always good to change the style every now and then. I can't imagine though Jess writing a structured poem lol. Why don't we ask him to do so...hehe
I like the theme, but are we really dream tellers. I guess we might be only on papers, are we?
PS I don't see why do you need the capitalization of the "Could" and the "Should"
hi Rula
I expect he could write rhyme but it might make his head explode lol. I capitalized those two to add emphasis to the words...............stan
i dream sexy daily
And I can tell
what dreams do mean
ask me
I'm Freud's apparition indeed .
All sexy dreams
depict water falls
all guys are aware
aren't you too
Stan
once you were not
such a big man
poetic man
I sent you my Congrats
awaiting thanks!
hello
Congrats for? I must be almost like Freud ..... I have been called a fraud and that's almost the same............stan
hi stan
I like it but like JC, I wish you will say more about the dreamers..anyway, that's just my opinion.
Alid
Hello Ian
That makes 2 votes for expansion. Most people wish I'd just shut up lol. I'll consider a longer version when I go back for editing. In any event I appreciate your visit.............stan
Hi Stan
I am a bit late getting to this. My reaction after the read is a mixed bag of comments made by Jayne, Rula and Alid. It does leave the reader wanting you to expand on this more. But if you set out to tickle their mind and let them expand on it, you have achieved that. As for Poem being a dream, but on reading it again what you perhaps mean to say here that some dreamers express their dreams through poetry which is true.
Regards,
Hi Raj
I mean to imply that poets are tellers of what could or should be as opposed to what Is. In other words what one wishes or dreams to be true. As so often happens I've missed conveying what I intended lol. Perhaps when I do an edit/expansion the intent will be clearer.................stan
Yes, that's what exactly we
Yes, that's what exactly we are looking for, for you to expand on this and get us out of a maze you have got us into ..lol...fun apart although it is true that poets do tend to put words in a poetic form, to what they wish should be or could be but it is not always what they write about in poetry, it could simply be about an event they witnessed ,,,don't you think so?
regards,
Ian Here
Thank you for your thanks,
someone is pretending to be me???
Dream Tellers Oh! now that is a story.
Walked into a bank in Ottawa and there they were.
A row of Tellers I could have only dreamed of.
You take care out there and stay away from those banks.
Not the river ones where your stories flow from.
Go well my friend and have a lovely weekend,
Yours as always Ian.T