Rula
Rula
Jan 23, 2014

Sound of Tears

She woefully knelt
to garner her tears;
words of pain fell
to tell her fears-
but betrayed,
only silence
peaked
to speak.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Seren

Seren

11 years 3 months ago

Beautifully sad Rula

I cannot offer anything its written perfectly I wouldn't change a thing

love JC xxx

R

raj

11 years 3 months ago

This is so expressive of the mood..only change I would suggest is to change garner to gather

Rula

I thought "garner" is more poetic. As a synonym of "gather", I just would like to know how does it for a native speaker just like you work better, if you don't mind, please.
Thanks again for visiting and the thoughts.

Race_9togo

Just letting you know how much I'm enjoying your poetry.
This one is a pure distillation of sorrow.
Most excellent.

Rula

Always happy to hear from you. Hope all is well and no more medical tests to go through. :)

mand

mand

11 years 3 months ago

This is a great poem. It conveys "to me" someone who is deeply troubled and turns to prayer for solace and relief - maybe praying out loud. But then someone overhears and betrays those thoughts and feelings to others, so words are no longer spoken - silence prevails and all that can be heard is the sound of tears.

I think you have skilfully said a lot in few word - and your poem really shows how trapped a person can be.
( if my interpretation is correct )

Well done! ( I think Raj's suggestion is worth thinking about )

Love Mand xxx

Rula

Rula

11 years 3 months ago

I loved to see where this took your imagination. It just came to me in a moment of muse and couldn't resist the idea of collecting the tears ...etc.
I always appreciate the time that friends give and the way others interpret the words written.
I wanted to extend this to a story, but it is all I got for the time being.
Thanks for sharing and the time. Always appreciated.

S

Seems like this evening I can only come upon poetry for which I can offer few if any suggestions . And this is one............stan

alidzain

this piece is soo good, I forget I have visited and read it. Really nice one.

Alid