Ambitious Ways

Everything looks
ambitious whenever
I walk through that way;

the sun shines brighter
and rays away,
the greens hit the blue
where trees' heads
meet the horizon
at the far extent
while little grass hoppers
jump high,
to greet every passerby.

Even the lazy lilies
bow their heads
and mirror in crystal waters
to reflect the new day.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Very unusual one this Rula,

Very unusual one this Rula,
interesting place this is,
we all have those don't we,
at least we who write poetry do,
I am sure.

The fact that lilies hang their heads,
perhaps some do, but you lift them
up again by reflections, nice.

Love Ann.

I am really happy you've dropped this poor post a comment. I was about to bin it but thought I'd do some edits before as to call some traffic to it...LOL
I am not sure if I can keep that part about the lilies with bowed heads, (an imagery inspired by its name as "Lazy lilies". Any suggestions?

What about tilt their heads,

You have become enamoured of the lazy lilies, the aliteration carying you into poetry. I too am not sure about them being so extremely attractive, it is flowers almost on the brink of wilting.

What about tilt their heads, then you give them the status they deserve, looked on as goddesses in their way.

Yes we have to edit and re edit all our poems, sometimes I look at mine and think, wow did I think that good once, and set to, or am surprised to find that they work as they are. Even though I let them flow out from my conscious mind subconsciously, or so it seems.
Have just written something on the Creativity and Consciousness- a very interesting mirror to how we write at all.

Love Ann.

good

you make me wonder where is this place...that's good.you are very good at description. i'm happy that this one is different from the others i've read. thank you

alid

Dear Rula

This is really a lovely poem I only have one suggestion for the ending

[Even the lazy lilies
bow their heads
and mirror in crystal waters
to reflect the new day.]

my take on the end lines

[Even the lazy lilies
bow their heads
mirroring crystal waters
to reflect the new day.]

Just a suggestion other than that it really is a beautiful poem there are some really good lines

love JC xxx