Still Searching
The Raven sought his soul from on high
Round and round seeking he tried
Then something came into view
A glistening so bright as a drop of dew
There he descended in great haste
I shall find a treasure no time to waste
He screamed to his own imagined way
Shedding air his wings sang that day
His shadow grew upon the Earth
As he stalled in flight to seek it's birth
There now a fluttering brilliance grew
Still guided him into the light he knew
At the last moment the shadow that grew
Made the light disappear from his view
Then he had to think things anew
What was I chasing that had such a hew
There as he walked on the ground
He looked deep inside and found
It was his soul glistening from afar
There brightly shining like a star
He laughed at the day, as on he flew
Was it me, or was it the morning dew?
He thought of the now, and the to be.
I can wait, as that light is eternity.
Comments
Ian!
This really excited me. You know how much I love ravens. My alter ego smiled as he read this. Nevermore also grinned. I thought it was well written and flowed well....great write.
Thanks Carrie
Had a few moments spare last evening twix 11 and 12 so thought of you all there, and then the Raven flew in to have some fun, I think he meant that you can only really see your soul in the next part of your journey.
But whooo knows reminds me of the wise old Owl lol.
Take care and lovely to have you visit,
Yours Ian
Hello Ian!
This is indeed a very readable and fun poem, and I enjoyed its content immensely! One slight critique, if I may, I believe in the third line of the first stanza, the word "There" should be "Then". If I am wrong, please forgive me!
Ian
I really loved the Raven of the soul, it really spoke to me, I do have one slight boggle
There now a fluttering brilliance grew
Still guided him into the light he knew
At the last moment his shadow grew
The light disappeared from his view
Then he had to think things anew
What was I chasing that had such a hew
the end word of each line after the fourth line ? it felt forced and I thought that you could maybe find another word for one of the grew's 'cuse my bad grammar, I really think this is a wonderful poem that could be made better
His shadow grew upon the Earth
As he stalled in flight to seek it's birth
There now a fluttering brilliance grew
Still guided him into the light he knew
and this is my favourite stanza :) well done a thought provoking write for me
love always JC xxx
I must say
Ian inspired me to let the Raven out and show himself to everyone. Felt good to let him out and know he is accepted.
Carrie
I have an old tape from Canada that is called the Raven by a group from up near Churchill some place, I met them in Ottawa, can't recall their names but the guy ran a radio Station up there some place and he had a lovely Inuit wife and child, they were dressed in a beautifully beaded pure white leather outfit with the baby in its tiny cocoon strapped to her back they looked beautiful.
But their songs were of fear that the rest of the world would mess up their food and have a war polluting the whales and the fish they depended on I shall look out the tape when time permits and send you the Raven bit, Take care and keep writing as someone says lol, Yours Ian.T
Jayne
Thank you young one for your talk with me, the lines:-
There now a fluttering brilliance grew
Still guided him into the light he knew.
The Raven was becoming aware of what he was chasing and the closer he became, the light from the sun would appear to flutter as his wing beat made shadows on the light he had seen,
I jotted this down and sent to stream before correcting so it is a little rough, but have tried to sort out the bad bits now.
You take care and look after you, Yours Ian.x
Beau
Thank you for your great words on this jotting of mine.
The shedding of the air is on the initial drop from an original height.
The Ravens Shadow will grow the closer it gets to the ground but I shall re read and get back to you on that one also to see where the confusion of the soul is.
The shadow reminds me of a cartoon I saw once where a man was walking on the beach and there in front of him was a dark spot and the spot kept getting bigger and bigger, he stood there scratching his head at the strange shadow, then this panel just flattened him, it had fallen from a passing aircraft La La ..
Thanks again take care will have another look at the write and get back to you, Yours Ian.T
PS:- have had a go at it will await the result???