mand
mand
Oct 22, 2013
This poem is part of the workshop:

The Bottom Line

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Anapaest quatrain ( first proper attempt + second attempt )

I am writing a poem for you. It's not likely to work.

I will try, even though I will probably not get it right.

It might help if I think and then write. Confidence also helps.

Or I could take a peek at a poem already in vogue.

 

I am writ / ing a po /em for you, / it's not like / ly to work.

I will try, / even though / I will prob / ab..ly not / get it right.

It might help / if I think / and then write. / Con.fi.dence / also helps.

Or I could / take a peek / at a po / em al..read / y in vogue.

------------------------ Second attempt--------------------------------

Will you look / up to heav / en and seek / the true path?

Do you want / to be..lieve, / as you warm / by the hearth?

Will you give / Him the praise, / for the works / He has done?

For He makes / the sun..shine, / though you mock / and make fun.

 

Will you look up to heaven and seek the true path?

Do you want to believe, as you warm by the hearth?

Will you give him the praise, for the works he has done?

For He makes the sunshine, though you mock and make fun. 

 

 

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

11 years 6 months ago

I admit that anapaest is not my comfort zone. I prefer that Wesley would have a look at it. I have just submitted some anapaest limericks myself. Hope mine and yours would work. :)
Best wishes.

mand

Nice of you to come by to look! Anapaest isn't easy! I'm looking forward to reading your anapaest limericks.

See you soon.

Keep safe

Love Mand xxxxx

wesley snow

But not quite. I'm on my phone, so scanning is tough. Think 'Twas the night before Christmas.

wesley snow

I am writ- / ing a poem / for you. / It's not like- / ly to work. (This is mostly Anapest with a single Pyhrric, a foot of two unaccented syllables. This is important. Pyhrrics, though obvious, are seldom troublesome as they tend to adopt the meter surrounding them. For the workshop it doesn’t cut it, but as poetry don’t sweat it)

I will try, / even though / I will prob- / ably not / get it right. (Anapest… well versed)

It might help / if I think / and then write. / Con-fidence /al-so / helps. (Three Anapestic feet, then we have Dactyl. Always double check individual words for their common pronunciation to assure yourself they in their proper place within the verse. “Confidence” could not work at this location, but don’t eliminate the word… instead rearrange the phrasing that you may place the word slightly off to one side or another of your feet. “Also” is Trochee which leaves a catalectic foot at the end… a “hanging” foot… in this case Trochaic)

Or I could / take a peek / at a poem / al-rea- / dy in vogue. (Three Anapestic feet, one Iamb followed by another Anapest. Poetically speaking… perfectly acceptable. Remember that Anapest and Iamb go hand in hand quite comfortably, while Dactyl and Trochee do likewise. We find ourselves in trouble when mixing Anapest and Trochee or Dactyl and Iamb. They do not meld)

I am having some family problems, but I am around and if you can be patient I would very much like to scan your second attempt.

 

 

mand

Thank you for coming by - sorry about the delayed reply. It's school holidays at the moment - things are a bit hecktic here.

I see what you mean - and after the school hols I'll pay it much attention.

I must apoligise for the content of my second attempt - it's not aimed at anyone. it just came out of my head. I thought it might work as anapestic quatrain so I keep it.

I hope all is well with you and family!

Keep safe - I much appreciate your help.

Love Mand xxxx