I balance on the edge of that they call my lyric mind
and leave the bloody, cloven steps of razor’s walk behind.
Depression squeals, the choked muse reels and all I’ve wrought is thought.
We watch the flame the candle makes, but no one sees the wick.
The poet hides the closest parts because those parts are sick.
Nous runs amain, it flees the pain and all I write is naught.
What is this fear of showing self, of giving self away?
Mechanical I demonstrate and all I have to say.
I tell a tale and all bewail, but naught of poignant phrase.
It’s only drink can help- my poesy rings of kitten’s mewls
and drink is coldly transient, the crutch of Jester’s fools.
I do not share and will not dare until I cease my days
Comments
nicely
Written...I know the feelings all too well...is ellipsis another form of structure in poetry? I know..I am a very bad protege....rebelling structure like I do...but I am trying
...
an ellipsis is that collection of little dots. Tell me why I used the word instead of the ellipsis itself.
The ellipsis
here is needed to show that the title is quoted, but as you have capitalized the first letters in the title then it's better to leave out the ellipsis(...),right?
the word
Has an end. An ellipsis represents a continuation...leaves the reader hanging....
Wes,
I love this type of writing with the omissions. For me it is still clear without so many words to cloud the thought,. then you just concentrate on the clarity of it all. Even though in the poem itself you talk about the things you do not wish to revile. You still give yourself away or rather how a poet might think,, at lease metaphorically speaking.
I found this to be a good lesson in writing. I truly enjoyed it.
keep teaching, your writing inspires me to write. when I read one of your poems I meditate on the comments you make to my question, I thank you for your patience.
Eddie
The poem is as mechanical as everything I write.
I wish I could elevate myself beyond that and write something moving.
There is however, one place (that I know of) where the meter fails. Can you find it?
the last line
I thought, right?
Wes,
I the last stanza the second and third line seem to loose it.
Eddie
Just dropping in to say...
a nice dark piece of work here. It is too bad that you had to resort to:
"Nous runs amain" to make the rhyme! And I think Killer would have something to say about the part
that runs; "The poet hides the closest parts because those parts are sick" ~ Gee
Nous runs amain...
is what I wrote first. I rhymed to it. Blame my vocabulary.
I love how the title
can be read as part of first stanza.
This reflects the humble human side of the poet.
"We watch the flame the candle makes, but no one sees the wick.
The poet hides the closest parts because those parts are sick.
Nous runs amain, it flees the pain and all I write is naught"
but this doesn't tell about you "my poesy rings of kitten’s mewls"
When I have fears...
is the single most emotional poem I have ever encountered... by Keats.
Woow!
Love the rhyme and meter! This is so clever in so many ways - this is the kind of technique I would aspire to.
You have a great talent - I will be keeping an eye on your poetry.
LOve Mand xxxx
Thank you Mand.
I wish I could write emotionally like you and so many others here do.