mand
mand
Oct 10, 2013
This poem is part of the workshop:

The Bottom Line

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A quatrain of Pentemeter - second attempt attempt ( iamb meter )

Autumn is full of fruit and bright sunlight.
It brings tasty morsels ready to eat.
The beasts of earth banquet before winter
gorging, in haste, until feeling replete.

Au..tumn / is full / of fruit / and bright / sun light
it brings / ta..sty / mor..sels / rea..dy / to eat.
The beasts / of earth / ban..quet / be..fore / win..ter
gor..ging / in haste / un..til / fee..ling / re..plete.

Third attempt - iambic

The fall is full of fruit and bright sunlight.
It brings the sweetest taste now known to man.
The beasts of earth take heed, before the end
and eat, in haste, before the cold takes hold.

The fall / is full / of fruit / and bright / sun..light
it brings / the sweet / est taste / now known / to man
the beasts / of earth / take heed / be..fore / the end
and eat / in haste / be..fore / the cold / takes hold.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I have a feeling I've got this all wrong - but I thought I'd post them up anyway. He he

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

11 years 6 months ago

are you attempting dear mand? If you please include it in your title.
Many thanks.

Rula

Rula

11 years 6 months ago

here is the scansion

Autumn| is full| of fruit|and bright |sunlight.(ONE trochee and three iamb)

 It brings| tasty |morsels |ready| to eat.|( Iamb-Torchee-Torchee-Torchee-iamb)

 The beasts |of earth |banquet| before| winter(iamb-iamb-Trochee-iamb-Trochee)

 gorging|, in haste,| until |feeling| replete.(Trochee-iamb-Trochee-Trochee-iamb)

mand

I don't seem to be getting the gist of this - I'll try and re-arrange it! and re - post.

Nice of you to come by and help! much appreciated.

Love Mand xxx

Rula

Rula

11 years 6 months ago

asks for reading it naturally to see where should you stress. I was going to parse the second one for you
but it is the almost the same. Make your re-arrangement and let me see. Don't worry, you can also check the dictionary to see where is the stress placed.

Rula

Rula

11 years 6 months ago

to a good job. YOU DID IT MANDY!
in your third attempt

Rula

Rula

11 years 6 months ago

Trochee. Remember it's the opposite....DUM du- DUM du.....
Good luck dear

mand

you are a dream. I have attempted a trochee - will be posting.

Love Mand xxx

L

Lonnie

11 years 6 months ago

I've been writing in rhyme and meter all my life and haven't yet figured out the true logistics of it! I just go with what sound right to my ear and figure it will sound the same to most other ears as well, if pronounced correctly! I think you have done a marvelous job with this, so, keep on keepin' on!

mand

Kind of you to come by to read and comment. I so love this site because they are actively teaching how to write poetry and give honest critique. I joined another site but it is no where near as good - even though it is aesthetically pleasing. I am really enjoying learning.

Thanks again Lonnie! got to go now.

Hope to see you soon.

Love Mand xxxxx