I didn't have to let you know who I truly am
I can pretend I don't care if you laugh at me
I hate being alone is something I don't admit
Pretending to keep my face like stone so you cant see
My pretty little invisible mask keeps you in the dark
From the world keeping all my secrets I can hide
But seems it is always the same, these feelings felt
I search day and night to be truly happy inside
I have always wanted to say just one thing to you
Today my declaration to you I make clear
Do you see me now, I am here, I am here, Right here
Comments
Hello
I like this poem.
The title is good and so is your language use, although its a little wordy, and this effects the rythym of the poem, somewhat. The theme is good, and you stay focused on the theme throughout.
I think the last verse is problematic, as it doesn't comform to the structure of the first two verses, although I do like the difference in cadence and syllables, which I think adds impact to the end. I would like to see the last verse re-written with this in mind. Something like:
There's one thing I've always wanted to say to you,
so today I make my declaration clear:
Do you see me now?
I am here, I am here. Right here.
Although your version will be different.
Good stuff, keep writing.
Race_9togo
Thank you so much. I will think on it a moment and see what I can come up with. I like what you wrote about the end. Your ending was real nice.