five weeks.
it's an awful long time, if you ask me.
all the worry and the nerves and the upset
they were all for naught -
and that's a good thing, too -
because if one day is closer to happiness
imagine what five weeks mean.
five weeks mean everything has faded
five weeks mean there is hope
five weeks mean maybe she won't be embarrassed of the overhead light
and five weeks mean
the chance for five more.
Jul 08, 2013
Five Used To Be a Little Number
About This Poem
Last Few Words: !!!!!
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
I think you...
should try to make things a little clearer, by modifying or taking out the line about ; "and that's a good thing too."
Maybe just say: " I guess that is a good thing."
Otherwise, I think it shows the emotion that you are looking for and gives a good picture of a relationship that seems to be slowly building. Nice feel to it, ~ Gee
blur and haze...
and yet the brittle lively pang..
I loved this...
but then I love imagery
feeling..
sensations and the diffusion
of these also....
Life and its carnival of souls
its cherise glasses...