The True Love

In spite of human cruelty,
the sun still shines everyday.
She cares not who's rich or poor,
but simply knocks on every door,
or creeps through the windowsill
to end the gloom and quit the chill,
then weaves her threads a perfect shawl
to warm when coldness starts to crawl.
The grass is nourished and the beast
whenever she smiles at the east.

It only takes a minute or two
to feel how much her love is true.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Thanks to dear Ian for the thoughts he sent by DHL :) Hope this satisfies. It does for me.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Oh a new one I can pick on.

This is sweet Rula as are you. I also tend to agree with the sentiment.
Get rid of the "s" on "human".
And "coldness start(s) to crawl".

Thanks for the

heads up and the nice visit. Highly appreciated sir!

Rula

Wesley's reply is a good one and not much to add.
It is that time of the day again young Rula, near Midnight.
You are already in the morrow, let me know if it is a good one.
Then I shall leap out of bed to greet it, lol.
Take care out there and walk each day
With your own conception of God if he teaches you to be your best
To all you meet..
Yours as always Ian.T

dear Ian

Many many thanks for the nice words. Please take care and have a nice day.

Hello Rula

I like the title, and the theme. Your language use is good, and I think that your rythym and pacing have improved immensley, since I began reading your work.

You know, I had a moment there when I said to myself "'whenever she smiles at the east' ? That should read "FROM" the east.
Then I realized who had written the poem.
Do NOT change that line, it's beautiful, and and so is its implication.

In line 8, "start" should be "starts", I think.
and I agree with Wes; "human" is better.

I had forgotten how good of a poet you are; I'll have to catch up.

Ah Jim

Many thanks for your kind words.
Sometime ago someone I admire a lot told me that "English being a second language shall always hinder me" (quote ends) and I know this is true but it is also Ok since I have so many friends around to help and appreciate what I am doing. That line stopped me as it did to you :)
Thanks again for your nice dropping. I am happy to see you reading me again.

LOL

Considering the fact that you are at least bi-lingual, and from an ancient culture that was creating marvelous poetry when my ancestors were painting their faces blue and still living in mud huts, I seriously doubt that having English as a second language will hinder you. It has been my experience that those of us who make English poems yet speak a different primary language bring fresh voices, ideas and structures to poetry, and the language itself.
:)

Hi Rula

What a nice interpretation of true love! Other than the changes Wesley suggested, I think the poem is fine the way it is! True love is so much more than the material or superficial things we busy ourselves with and I think you displayed that nicely here :) I am not much good at writing love poems but I do enjoy reading them when one jumps out at me, such as this one did. :) Good job!