when I pour out my thoughts
into that cup in front of you
I expect for you
to take every signal
I've decanted there
Take it sip after sip,
inhale its essence,
feel its bitterness
or sweetness,
appreciate the presence
of any additional scents,
Then tell me,please
how do you like it,
is it your cup of tea?
Comments
Rula
It seems the recent workshops may have left a bad taste in your mouth. I hope not and that this does not mean you are backing away from critiques. You are one of few as of late who read my work and I appreciate your perspective on things.
With regards to the poem, the title is currently a hammer. I would like to see it soften a bit and perhaps broaden the topic. You have a great start with the imagery here and can take this work in a more subtle direction, even add a touch of perfume before slipping emotion into the staunch of the cup.
The logic slips for me between "your senses..." and the last two lines. If my senses hibernate, there is no taste. Or maybe that's your point and I just missed it?
Thanks,
Scott
Scott
The workshops are not to be blamed for this production. Well, may be the theme but I never feared the to be critiqued. From the very first post of mine, I asked that my poetry be torn apart. So don' t think I will be down hearted by any suggestions and/or thoughts as long as improvement is our final goal.
As for the title, I'd to confess that I didn't think much of it . My first thoughts went to something like
"Is this your cup of tea? I thought it might be catchy, soft but does it relate to the message conveyed ?Not sure
Do you have any suggestions?
I am not sure I want to play much with that part either to add that scent you've suggested but I'll see if any suggestions might be helpful before doing the edits.
Your visit is really hightly appreciated
Have a nice day.
This is a gorgeously deep poem
written with the simplicity like Wesley talks about Hemmingway's Iceberg.
It says so much in such a simple way, I am deeply envious.
envious!!
No way . You can do much better than that but you know, you made my head hit the clouds, ( if that's the right expression)
Can't wait to hear from Wesley
oh yes, Rula,
I freely admit to being envious of poets with greater talents than myself. But not jealousy, I would never disparage someone of greater ability than myself.
So kind of you
to say so Jess.
Rula
Outstanding revisions! The poem has taken on much more depth. You took it to an entirely different level. Congrats.
Just a few more comments and I will leave you be. S1, L2 I think you can dump "that's"
In S1, L3 - Try reading it "I expect for you"
Try reading S3 without L2.
Great Job!
Scott
Scott
Your critique was really helpful to give it this depth.
Many thanks for your nice helpful comments.
Rula
In Dubai it was lovely to walk the Souks and meet the people there and the first thing on entering a shop was the offer of a cup of Tea (Chi ?)
It was a lovely greeting, there are many customs in the world especially on meeting someone..
This piece depicts your way of being with others and is lovely.
You are so welcome to have tea with me, I am in the cave on the right as I made one for Loved (on the left) but haven't seen him yet, one day Loved will arrive lol.
Take care young lady, Yours Ian.T
this is what i thought
I wanted this to visulaize how we usually read each other's poetry and give it a critique .
After changing the title i am not sure the idea is clear
Anyway thanks for reading and commenting.
Rula
The meaning of my reply was that I can watch with you the world as you perceive it, yet we only drink Tea or any beverage with those that we want to.
This journey we are on is only enhanced, by learning of the ways many people think of their way of life, it is a choice that is free of all shackles
we can seek out truth in many ways and be told of many truths.
I cannot see of any person, book or write, of any person on this tiny rock knowing the truth.
We as humons, use to dedicate our lives by keeping the majority of the people ignorant, to enhance our own being..
The world has changed, the masses now have their own opinion of life to the Mother forest of Africa, to the Arab world of Allah, and all other gods or not gods all people search now for a reason for our being here.
One day when we have a cup of chi together you will have your answers as will I.
Until then, I have been told by whom I do not know, that I should give out unconditional love to all I meet no matter who they are and understand that though they are different in many things that they are a pattern of energy from where I can only guess.
I always say that you should go with your God and be happy, and if your beliefs make you treat all people the same then you are blessed.
One day we may know the truth,
Yours Ian.T
You offered your all here
You offered your all here Rula,
take it or leave it, tastefully
short a glimpse of the tea
it's tea bag already in the cup.
Love Ann.
very sorry Ann
I've just noticed your comment. It happens sometimes, doesn't it. I miss your nice comments. I really do dear.