Monday's Moon

She's up early
trying to recall that crazy-in-love-feeling
but today
she can only find the crazy part

and the moon hanging in morning light
only helps to make it seem
unattainable.

Their morning is spent in silence,
they have coffee and toast,
he reads
she dreams,
a quick kiss goodbye
and both wonder

what happened.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: wrote this for a friend recently

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

The topic is one many people

The topic is one many people experience. It definitely resonates. It is solid rough draft.

The style is straight forward and to the point, but I do believe in the third stanza that the imagery could be stronger.

ex. the silence drifted from their coffee cups
buttered her toast
turned the pages of his morning read

just a thought.

Thanks,

eight

eightmenout,

Thanks, I appreciate the read and suggestions,
while they are good, they delve into the "abstract"
which I tend to steer from, not that I don't use it
from time to time.

I actually wrote a poem about it and posted it
here on Neo ...

http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/protest-some-modernist-teachings

that is a link to it if you'd like to read it.

thanks and I do agree the last part needs something ...

Richard

I read the other poem and think its great. I fully understand your point as I have not been one for abstracts either. It has only been recently since I have been reading Anne Sexton that my mind has started to delve in that direction. Not sure if its a phase or something I will enjoy.

Thanks for additional read. Look forward to more.

eight

Anne

was indeed very good. Great style and ease of
sharing. She won the Pulitzer Prize for her contribution
to the world of poetry.

The poem I wrote about abstractions was in retaliation
to the way poetry is taught today, although it is probably
best to know the limits to abstractions, sometimes they
are just damn good.

Have you read any of Billy Collins' work?

I have not, but i certainly

I have not, but i certainly will. Always looking for work i haven't read. I agree with how poetry is taught today. My daughter goes to an arts and humanities high school. Her roommate is in the creative writing program. My daughter showed her some of my work. Her response was that her teacher would say its not veiled enough. Everything has to be imagery or nothing.