Huck Finn’s Nightmare
In realms of early morning sleep
I float on streams of time
down canyons of dark memory
beyond the reach of rhyme
ghosts of those I should have loved
and those not meant to hold
clutch at me with tendril arms
and make my soul burn cold
flashes of what might have been
things that could not be
ride with me along these currents
into a spectral sea
there to swim in unknown tides
beside my dreaming form
causing turbulent duress
that culminates in storm
nightmare waves that crash and sculpt
an unresisting shore
until the wind itself has died
and stirs the sea no more
then, abruptly, I awake
in rivulets of sweat
knowing that I now must face
those things I haven’t yet
another day of stress and strife
until the fading light
returns me once again to dream
of terrors in the night
C. Lon R. Bruso
Comments
Hi lonnie
couldn't find any suggestion for change and you Know I looked lol. So here is yet one more rubber stamp from me. I like the substitution of rhyme for reason..................stan
ride with me along these
ride with me along these currents-this line seems a syllable longer than the metre needs
the metre and rhythm are pleasing, you could try for 3 syllable rhyme words also go for 'the raw truth..' option for crits you'll get more constructive help.