loved
loved
Apr 09, 2013

learning poetry still

you now seem to be taking...
poetry classes

as titles you choose confuse
you said springs
I thought of a couch
how it would spring

then was amazed to see
the natural spring,
no not of fountains rivers and streams
but those with which nature does spring

you are one great one
sometimes you count dawns...
now springs
are you adept at seasonal abacus
my, why do I have to fuss

you really meant the spring
after autumn
skipping winter ....

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ROU

More from this author

Comments

Ian.T

I note that this was a comment on Stan's piece about counting Springs, Stan talked of the Winter and how the Spring would follow, and that it was a passing of another year.
I suppose when Winter is real bad as most in northern States it is a time to look forward to with a thought of renewal, this needs to be made into a poem young Bard, you have done this before and used a comment as a poem without editing just a title change, are you being Lazy ???, Take care young Bard and know that we read your comments as well as your streamed poetry, Yours Ian.T

loved

then I seek the help of my compy
and dispose
as poetry

but if still it needs an edit
do tell me or help by doing it
thanks Ian
the second IRON MAN!.

I composed on the IRON LADY 's passing away
but till tomorrow all have to stay
to let Neopoet
have it's way..

Seren

I will come back when you edit this one, Was this a comment on Stans poem ? tut tut your being a sloth lol

love JC x

Ian.T

No need to unpublish it just work on it a little it has strong bones and will make a good write from you,
Yours Ian.T

Ian.T

The bones maybe ok but the joints need some attention, there needs to be a consistent flow, the last part could be revised about skipping Winter it seemed disjointed,
Have a go anyway, Yours Ian.T

PS:-My "Lost" needs your eyes to see the errors of mine, when you have time..