For what reason should I put my mouth
Through the contortions you wish me to?
What benefit do I gain from all that wasted energy?
Why should I move my hands the way you want me to
What pleasure do I gain from all that in out manipulation?
I have jobs to do which make my environment clean as new
I have to write poems , earn my living for the next ten years
dance , sing and exercise so I can leave you
speak many languages, comment on current affairs
wash away the dirt off the day ,the heat of the night and morning dew
I must live, and you with your sexual obsessions
Is interfering with what I do
hence I stand ready to rid myself of the one who
Is the interference with progress
An interference that you
brought without recompense.
When you are gone I will not rue
Your departure.
I will start anew
Comments
i like this rant
many men won't grant
but may I advise
that poetry pays no pies
ten years is a long way off
by then I may be off
and you naught..
so to warn you
in advance
Loved friendlily thought
Heya French
I really liked this one it needs a little work with the line breaks
For what reason should I put my mouth
Through the contortions you wish me to?
What benefit do I gain from all that wasted energy?
Why should I move my hands the way you want me to
What pleasure do I gain from all that in out manipulation?
this first bit really has a good rhythm but you lose clarity with the line breaks in the following lines
hugs JC xxx
Hi Fee
I've been once told that the too many questions spoil the writing. Therefore, I would have done it all in an affarmative form instead, perhaps something like :
I won't put my mouth
Through the contortions
you wish me to as
I'll gain nothing from all that.
I won't move my hands the way
you want me to
for I gain no pleasure
I have jobs to do to my environmen
to clean as new
I have to write poems ,
and earn my living for the next ten years
I would dance , sing and exercise
so I can leave you
I want to speak many languages,
I want to comment on current affairs
I want to wash away the dirt off the day
and the heat of the night and morning dew
I must live,
and you with your sexual obsessions
Is interfering with what I do
hence I stand ready to rid myself of the one who
is the interference with progress
An interference that you
brought without recompense.
My favorite lines
I want to wash away the dirt off the day
and the heat of the night and morning dew
and I really loved the way you ended this though the whole theme is non of my attitudes.
Please discard all if you don't find it of use . It is only an opinion and each should have his/her own style.
Thank you all
Ill work on it at some point