Point Omega
(to Don Delillo)
decay sees through scaley eyes
glassine atoms cracking
flinging electrons
rapid fireflies colliding.....sparks
eternal experiment has failed again
its' designs fall to the will
of the pack
gold verticle eyes aiming the gene of destruction
consciousness
spun ancient and thin, dreams of a collapsing universe
it pleads for rest out of time
implores to throw off matter
once again
to become
stones upon a molten field
Last Few Words: Character piece based upon a Don Delillo character. It is a fictional poem, not an examination of my beliefs.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Why do I think of volcanic lava?
When I read these words?
I'd say that's because.....
The point is that Consciousness is tired of we problematic humans and in the poem dreams of being rocks on a molten field of lava. Good eye!
Ron
sorry duplicate post
Sorry, duplicate post
Hi
scaley eyes..'the scales fell from their eyes, right? from the bible, shall have to look that up
Looked up glassine, didn't exist in my fat english dictionary but I'll have to do more research on that too .
gold verticle eyes, are you talking about goats eyes, again I'm left wondering. also its either vertical or verticil, according to my still fat dictionary.
from 'consciousness.." till the end of the poem I found it much more readable and impacting. So a bit puzzling but very enjoyable, made me think.
Hi Ross
Though I am well versed in many religious texts and knew the Saul and Paul bit, I wasn't really going for that. That suggests sudden enlightenment and the meaning I was trying to get is simply a reptilian appearance. Glassine may or may not be a real word. Glassy held too many preconcieved meanings so I put this in. Not that I'm comparing myself to him but in the event of a lack of a word to mean what he wanted to say in a poem, Poe invented tintinnabulation meaning "the ringing of bells".
Gold vertical eyes I meant to represent snake's eyes.
It's certainly vertical, did I put something else? I apologize if I did. I usually proofread better than that.
Thanks Ross!
Ron
Word play
inventing words: how did language evolve except through people finding that just fit the moment. Glassine - sounds like a proper word, and may now become one...I read that dictionaries include new words through common usage: to me, it sounds like glassy and bright and glazed - all in one moment, not quite alive as we know it, not human eyes but belonging to the mythological world...but I have got a funny feeling I've read it before somewhere. So maybe some other poet thought it was too gorgeous to miss.
I really like this poem, haunted and positive, in the dark but moving into light (your enlightenment).
xxx
Thanks Jenifer!
It's kind of dark but that kind of humour that is .00000001 micrometer from completely dark. That's my sense of humour (well, that and The Pink Panther films. Everytime Peter Sellers gets in a car and pulls out half the working parts and ends up in yet another pool, I'm on the floor. Love the absurdist Monty Python stuff too, also Blackadder and Ab Fab. As far as US humour, every once in a while something will really grab me but not often. Thanks for the lovely critique. I appreciate it!
Ron
seems I need a new dictionary
verticle is the new vertical, I guess spelling is always in flux, didn't know the biblical quote was about Saul/Paul, I guess his blindness was cataracts. Always fun to learn new things, so thanks for making me do some digging.
cheers
ross
Thanks, Ross!
I appreciate you taking the time to read and think about my work. Many thanks!
Ron