moon, silk in gold:
ocean's salty tongue
swoons across the sand
Feb 16, 2013
it's not a finger pointing; but the moon
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This little poem was inspired by a print I accidentally bought after a champagne or two. Oh dear. Lovely print, terrible hangover. The artist told me that some friends had told him that the original painting should be called 'it's not a finger pointing, that's the moon' - something Buddhist. Love to know more about the phrase if anyone knows.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Ill ask my Buddhist friends
But syllable count is wrong for haiku
hi Frenchf - I didn't write
hi Frenchf - I didn't write as an haiku at all; I don't know that I am that disciplined to write those lovely gems. I am a bit of a lazy poet really, just in love with words.
Hi Jenifer,
To look at the moon, it is necessary to look
beyond the pointing finger.
http://www.storiesofwisdom.com/finger-pointing-at-the-moon/
I knew I'd heard it before.
Your poem is lovely, the only suggestion would be a
more appropriate title.
Richard
Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the link...it makes more sense than my story (although that is what the artist, David Preston, has written at the bottom of my print: it's not a finger pointing;but the moon.)
I will work on the title, my weak point...any suggestions?
Your gold painted moon
Your gold painted moon
tips the sand grains with
salty kisses.
Enjoyed your poem for itself Jenifer.
love Ann.
Thank you, Ann. as I said to
Thank you, Ann. as I said to Frenchf, it isn't meant to be a haiku. Just words spun together. One of these days I will get it together and be more disciplined, but I just love words.
although not a haiku, a beautiful series of images
I've been noticing in your work the ability to infer other meanings with what you say, as if your words cast a shadow in code. I think your work is wonderful. Nothing wrong with being a renegade either...
Ron
Thank you, Ron. Being a
Thank you, Ron. Being a renegade is excellent, I think... who wants or desires normality! such a great place neopoet - all these friends we make and lovely encounters. I think we are all so lucky to be here among mad other poets (not saying you are mad, you may be very normal, but I don't think poets are really...)
No Jenifer, I am indeed quite mad......hehe
I've been concentrating on critique and running workshops but I have I would guess 70 poems on the site. I've got a few ideas also that I intend to complete. I agree with you, to some degree, poets are mad, artists in general are mad. I wouldn't change a thing except the suicides.
Ron
Yes, stay sane enough to stay
Yes, stay sane enough to stay alive! I have no idea who ordained the definition of sanity as most interesting people are not in that bracket. Quirky, original, angst ridden, comic, cross at times, mercurial - all much better words than - responsible, competent, law abiding(unfortunately all the previous words apply for me as we are mostly mixtures, except possibly law abiding at times). Fantastic work, fellow creative mad man.
JJ
I liked this write, Very creative. As my mother used to say, you don't always have to stand on ceremony. KInd of like thinking ouside of the box, rather than standing on the thing. this is creating. Being an artist, I guess I am mad. I enjoy my madness. Linda
Hello Linda May Moses
how lovely to meet another member. It's great thinking outside the box, even if you get wet sometimes. I think (I am more disciplined than I pretend) that we know the rules, before we can break them. It's something I want to work on this year.
P.S: I look forward to
P.S: I look forward to reading yours