Seren
Seren
Feb 07, 2013

Haiku - choking

I'm gasping for air
palpitating hearts rhythm
calm is conceded

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda

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Comments

Seren

Lol @ false teeth I don't mind your mad mood

Very glad you liked my little haiku

Love Jc xxx

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 2 months ago

A very good Haiku, you just rest a while and we will see you here again in a week or so, Yours thinking of you as always, Ian.T

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 2 months ago

You get orft and rest, we will wait for you no matter how long you rest.
BUT REST you MUST lol.
Will talk later I have a card to make ?? Yours as always Ian xx

Nordic cloud

The only thing, if it is a haiku,
it's language is difficult, the aim
of them is succinct simplicity,
a message easy to understand,
and usually with some kind of hint
at the season.

The last line could be,
a descending bird
or the wide landscape.

Which might help you see what I mean,
just saying what I felt Jayne,
Love to you Ann.