scribbler
Feb 04, 2013

STUCK SWITCH

The damned off switch doesn't work
images play on and on
appearing unexpectedly
they flash up at night, noon and dawn

And the volume is full blast
endlessly assaulting my tired ears
interrupted by that ringing sound
so loud it nearly causes tears

Pictures of death I can't turn off
sounds of agony at night
and I just can't find the off switch
somehow that just don't seem right

I was trained and then sent there
where senses reached an overload
they aimed me then they turned me on
a modern berserker now back home

All night that horrid movie plays
in light of day hands and jaws clench
at smallest slight I swallow rage
'till belly nearly bursts with rage
as blood beats in my ears with rage
I am slowly consumed by rage
and I can't turn to the next page
...............and I can't sleep
no one can understand

As I search
for that damned

off
.............switch-----------------------------

About This Poem

Last Few Words: a nother go at morphing free verse

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

F

But in the penultimate verse line 2 and 4 didn't rhyme and in the last stanza you had several rage endings and 1 page ending. Thought that either all should be rages or a different rhyming word? Page rage cage sage adage degrade image visage . My humble opinion of your amazing creation

S

This is an experimental form I've been playing with some lately. I call it morphing. In this form one starts out in one form then gradually "morphs" into another. I used rhyming to begin with here then slowly changed to free verse as the protagonist's state of mind degraded. I've done the opposite in other poems. It's still kind of hit and miss though but the only way to perfect a formis by trying it over and over and get feedback on what does and doesn't work....................stan PS if you want to see an example which I think works a bit better you might look up "WIDOW'S RETREAT"

F

For explaining why. I'll look it up

S

Thank you. I have come to discover that the hardest part of trying to develope something new is getting honest feedback.............stan

Geezer

Geezer

12 years 2 months ago

this one was pretty effective. The rage that keeps on building; the over and over again, solidifys the emotion and the feeling that it is under your control, but beyond your ability to turn it off. ~ Gee

S

Thank you. That is pretty close to what I intended to convey.............stan