my love has dried up
like bags of old tea
stale and tasteless
it offends the senses
I sit within circles of glass
knowing it all will shatter
because the time has come
to close the windows on our love
once your touch excited my mind
once we lived on the edge of reason
and now we dodge each other
ignoring the truth as it bites
I try to reignite the flames
I feed the fire with love
but it refuses to catch
I am extinguished
my love has disappeared
vanished as if it never was
the rooms are now all quiet
and I sit in sorrow alone
Comments
Sorry JC
it might be cathartic, but there is nothing original.
But you know the traps in writing this kind of poetry.
Thanks Jess
I plan to work on it tonight watch the edits it may just change I will see what I can come up with ...
love JC xxx
love never dies....
it is the seed of future...
love in different garb
it is immortal
humans may not be
Love can die a fleeting death
Love can die a fleeting death
Cast off like a cloak
It can be worn one minute
And discarded the next
It can be caressed and gentled
Then trodden on like a cigarette
Ground into dirt on the boot
Love can be nothing more than a bother
To some
Love Jc xxx
your perception Lady ...
did you read the latest comment by Geremia ...joe
''''as I stand out in the garden
as I stand out in the garden all alone
Seeing the clouds go bye
in search of the ones since gone
OUTSTANDING !
JOE GEREMIA
I bow to all Neopoets for this strength imbued in me
to become one now
not standing out all alone
but in company
You have never been alone we
You have never been alone we have always been here, smile
love JC xxx
Is this sexist or a perception?
It seems to me that men fall in love more quickly, and out of love more slowly.
Women fall in love more slowly and out of love more quickly.
perception
If I love its for life I don't know if I am loved back
But my love will always remain as it is ... I had some
horrible things done to me by a man in a way I still love
him and always will, its crazy but there it is
Jc xxx
Sometimes you just know when the love is dying from
the other party its hard to explain
Is it wrong to want to be loved passionately and with
A depth that takes your breath away ? Sigh
yeah, I can relate to that.
I've had my nose broken 3 times at least (it became hard to tell) in fights with men.
But all the stab and gunshot wounds on my body are from women, and I still love them all.
I think your right we tend to
I think your right we tend to write it how we are feeling at the moment I go back to poems and i often rework then with a calmer mind sometimes better words or lines jump out that you just didnt see at the time
I plan to work on this one I think it has potential
with love JC xxx
Hmmm......
Firstly I hope this is not due to you and snake breaking up. I am one of the fortunate minority in that I fell in love with my high school sweetheart and we've been together ever since. But the bad part is I only have imagination to go og if I were to write a break up poem.
I read the above commentary and it appears most of the problems lie in cliches. If you don't mind, I'll take a stab at last 2 stanzas sans cliches and hope that my efforts will help open new doors for your editing.
even the fat wood
of my feigned passions
fail in restoring the blaze.
Leaving me as ash
My flame,
no more than clinker now.
And as smoke deserts heat
I am left cold
alone.
just a stab at trying to help from an old rhymer. I don't expect you to use any of this, just hope it serves as a sample of what you can do and do much better than I................stan
Your a lucky man to not know
Your a lucky man to not know the heartbreak of a breakup, I am still with Snake we have had a rough couple of years but we struggle on life hasnt been kind to us its time our luck changed lol
hmmmm I love a couple of your suggestions I think I can make something of them I appreciate the time and effort
love JC xxx
if I may be permitted to butt in ..
SSOOOO SSSOOOONNNNN!
UNDER A HALF CENTURY
My flame, ....AH!AH MY REAL ONCE BURNING FLAME))))) ADD ON
no more than clinker now..... REALLY SOME HOW!!)))ADDITIONAL ADDS
And as smoke deserts heat..BEAUTIFUL LIKE A RAT DESERTS A SINKING SHIP...)) ADDITIONAL/OPTIONAL
I am left cold...JUST CAN'T BELIEVE I'm too old...
alone. ..((((who else can that share ???..so this is superfluous i feel it.. ur take please
why don't you now read me?? Stan a man of many dawns ..so experienced