judyanne
judyanne
Jan 23, 2013

touchstone

to talk of
changing winds
shattered dreams
is trite
cliché

clumsy of the reality

naivety unperceiving how
the dark is hidden deep within
the light of
childhood kingdoms
awaiting Azrael
to steal innocence
.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many

More from this author

Comments

Seren

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

I really liked this one but felt there should have been more, that maybe just me I wanted to read more, my favourite stanza is the second I cant see anything i would change I like how you portray innocence being blinded to the darkness really well done

naivety unperceiving how
the dark is hidden deep within
the light of
childhood kingdoms
awaiting Azrael
to steal innocence

my favourite lines

love and hugs Jayne-Chloe xxx

judyanne

lol it's funny - i spent days on this after i had written this much, and added and took the add away and added something else and took the add away, for countless times.
. i felt i needed to include something, but i couldn't put my finger on it, and everything i said detracted from the text.... so i left it as is

glad you liked the short version...
love judd
xxx

Leonard

Same here. I was not even aware that the site was back in action. Lovely to be in contact once again. I look forward to future interactions with you.

Leonard

BettyBuff

Like JC, this piece left me with more questions than answers...what's the touchstone?

Ells x

judyanne

lol – not until your comment above to leonard did I realise who you are
lovely to see you…

I didn’t read jc’s comment as meaning she was left wondering, or didn’t understand ??

‘touchstone’? – for a few reasons – one being that it tells the truth of the metal as does asrael tell the truth of the illusion…

love judy
xxx
.

BettyBuff

Thanks for explaining...think its enough, you don't need to expand it now! LOL

Ells x

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 3 months ago

This was a very deep piece I often wonder where poets find these words,
similar to my North American Legends I read the story then write the piece.
The Title is Good.
The write shortish but was good, the use of Touchstone and then the ending up with Azrael was excellent.
A good all round read and the interest to find out more of the words you used.
I think that it would make a good workshop on the use and explanation of words in poetry, take care, Yours Ian.T

judyanne

thanks so much for the read and great comments

as for short - lol the elf is always telling us the shorter the better, isn't he?

i'm glad you liked the word interplay - lol - i'm glad you actually recognised it - thanks ian
love judy
xxx
.

loved

loved

12 years 3 months ago

tis touching

S

This displays the essence of "less is more". No need to expand. Just because I don't know when to stop writing doesn't mean it's a Good thing lol. I'm not sure the word "clumsy" belongs in a work which is anything but. Maybe "awkward"?....................stan

judyanne

thanks stan
i 'stumbled' around the word 'clumsy' for ages, but no other i found conveyed what i wanted to ... and i actually like it...
give me some more suggestions if you wish... maybe there's one i've missed... but lol - i really like 'clumsy' and the alliteration with 'cliche'...

love judy
xxx
.