Seren
Seren
Jan 06, 2013

reincarnated

Someone turned the colour up

I now see
blood roses smiling
and kookaburra laughs
colouring my day

babies breath wrap
the columns of the night
black pearls glimmer
its crystal Windows

Jasmine wafts
flowering the breeze
a touch so soft
its velvet hand does tease

Senseless
in this bliss
this wonderment
I am thankful

someone came back from the dead

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda

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More from this author

Comments

MichelleK

This is an amazing poem, however there are a few tiny things that may need revising:

- the second stanza seems a little image heavy compared to your others; I think you may have to strip back some imagery or add in some/replace some imagery with verbs.

- the first line of the stanza stanza reads differently to your other lines, through the assonance of breath wreath the line actually slows and disrupts the flow you have going. I know this is hard as this is a type of wreath you're referring to!

- I'd drop " I grasp" from the line "senseless I grasp" as it seems a little unnecessary as the next line is "in this bliss".

I hope these really nick-picky critiques help!

This is a beautiful poem:)!

Seren

I have performed a small edit I am still not a hundred percent happy with it .... I am so happy you liked it though, I wasnt sure if it would even be read. Its a poem about the return of a relationship long dead, well i thought it was dead till i received a call

I felt compelled to write this one ...

thanks for the wonderful feedback I really appreciate it

love always JC xxx

Seren

I am very happy you liked this one its always nice to hear from you, I hope you and the family had a happy christmas and new year

this poem is personal but I decided to post it and see what feedback I received

love to you both Jayne-Chloe xx

F

On paediatric neonatal unit brought back from the dead!'perhaps one of your children ? How wrong I was

Seren

I lost a son at 3 days old I can see how you might think this was about a child I have a lot of poetry I wrote for Josh but I dont think much of its been added to the new site as yet ... thanks for the visit and the comment

kindest regards Jayne-Chloe xxx

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 3 months ago

A beauty in waiting, that waits no more, lovely to feel that you are back again, didn't think it would be long before we had some of your lovely writes again, Yours as always Ian xx

Seren

I wrote this one a few days ago I am still working on it, if you have any thoughts on it I would love to hear them

thanks for the read and the comment much appreciated

with love always JC xxx