Untittled

sorry, but your first mistake is Untitled, never, ever leave a poem untitled, it is a failure of imagination and the poem itself.

Second, much worse mistake, is writing the poem in the second person. Write about yourself or others, poems addressed to 'you' always end up preachy or trying to engage others in your own dilemma, without sharing.

I seldom do this, but how do you feel this reads?

The coldness is enveloping
hearing the still melody
that hangs around the corner of the room
Eyes are lost and feel its cold embrace
Forget all the hurts and memories
Drowned, buried deep within the heart

Drinking panacea
And falling into deep oblivion
Erasing the meaning of life
Just letting heart fall into deep slumber
Must never be awaken
Leave no trace
Let no one find castle where we sleep
Never fulfill this tale
Never put an end..
Just leave the story unfinished

That's just a rough edit, but you get my idea? Perhaps opens it up to more readers.

I hope this helps, I don't mean to discourage, I like your writing.

I bow to the work that Jess has done on your writing, always remember though that it is yours.
That we sometimes reassemble pieces only means that the original is worth it.
Well done on this write, keep writing it is a worthwhile thing to do,
Yours Ian.T