Xmas 2012

Jamie was behaving strangely
His wife was filled with dread
Her once mild mannered husband
Had reindeer pyjamas in bed

He'd woken up early that morning
To take a conference call,
dressed up in his suit, his tie, to boot
but then did no work at all

He comes up the stairs to awaken her
And presents her with a thong
He takes of his tie and unzips his fly
And then starts singing a song

Off with his suit and croons old Frank s
" come fly with me " as she sits
wondering what to do with the thong
Thinking surely he can't be pissed?

It's Christmas eve and 8 am
He said it was work no less
that made him leave the marital bed.
Has he something to confess?

"I need you to have a mouthful
of a new sort of Christmas punch
I'll produce it now in abundance
There's plenty to have before lunch"

His wife fled the bed in horror
To the safety of her parents room
"My husband has just been afflicted
By a new sort of sexual boom"

Jamie just took out his mobile
and called the chat line instead
And spent the rest of time texting
His new found sexual friend

"I can't wait to return to London
To help your juices flow
Put the turkey on hold, I've just become bold
And want to have so much more

butterflies in my tum and something much longer and
Harder and stronger than that.
I should be working doing my job
And sorting out my tax"

I couldn't care less that it's Christmas
It just gives me plenty of time
To catch up on hormonal surges
Normally submerged in wine

All these years I've restricted myself
Just to have sex with the wife
Not knowing what joys existed
Outside of works trouble and strife