Unbridled Desire

i particularly like your opening 6 lines...scent is almost
a tactile sense...can bring a scenario to life.

"unbridled desire"
a very apt title, yet i can't help but think a little pedestrian
for this write. you write some kick-arse titles at times, and i just
feel you could come up with something more inventive
the only hic-up for me, was the mix of tenses; ceased, wished,
in a poem that otherwise, read as, in the moment.
i'd be inclined to bring it all into present tense...seems to add to
the immediacy and intimacy.

this is elegantly erotic s.
unhurried, yet still, that sense of urgency
that comes with "unbridled passion" is there.

just re-read..."gently caress"...nothing wrong as is, just
a term i think is too commonly used...too mediocre for
this write imo... perhaps a more unique
way of expressing?...merely a thought

this makes me think of slow, deep lovemaking, but
with that underlying urgency that comes with it...
not easy to do erotica without sounding cliched
or simply crass...for me, it's a genre of writing that
needs a deft touch...show, not tell.
you have shown that touch here.

brava s
the more i read this, the more i like it, and
appreciate the restrained hand you showed in
writing it
lovely lines throughout

cheers
p

At one time I believed your were destined to be a great poet. Is it your life? Are you listening to jaded lecturers?

This is nice but no-where near your best work.

This has come out nearly Clichéd, or as a not so good copy of your previous venture into the erotic world, it seemed to lose some of it's meanings.
Did I say that? I am agreeing with Jess on the content of this one, here you have abridged the feelings to an action man type of description.
I know that the words from your pen are far better, now I feel shit.
Yours as always Ian.T