Fictional Character

'That I can cling to'
That, I think is you haven't got any critique in the last week

I like the content, we all feel that way at times ... I do
have a few suggestions.

I sometimes feel as a fictional character (doesn't flow well
for me like that, sometimes I feel like a fictional character, or
at times we all feel like; finding a way to include the reader from
the jump will usually clinch the rest of the read)
Unreal, unlike any other ( like any other; makes more sense)
Walking about this foreign place called reality (like this line but it
also could be improved upon)
What if I’m just fictitious being, (I'd cut this line completely,
unneeded, it is more an opening line to the poem, the thought
has already been placed)
Never being seen

To tell the truth, I'd end it there but it's your baby.

Just suggestions ...

Richard

the line
'To cling to'
still bugs me, it is disempowering. Yes we all need connection. But who am I to presume you are not powerless and clingy? Or at least feeling that way.

I believe everything you said just the way you said it. Unfortunately this alienation you speak of is likely something we've all experienced and often written about. Others of us feel the same sensitivity (which is why you don't see us, we're in our disguises that keep our sensitivity hidden). You are experiencing poet's life.

I would say when dealing with a subject like alienation, in the confines and safety of the place where you are writing, take us to Amber-world. Don't feel inihibited or afraid, and write it especially if you do feel the fear. You'll find what lies beyond the veil of fear will dissipate as the words appear on the page. I know about alienation, what I am interested in inside this piece is Amber's alienation. Take what you can use from this or discard it in part or in full. In any event, I wish you well.

Ron

"unlike an other
walking in a foreign place of reality
never seeing
never being
I'm amusement
for the blindfolded amongst
me
Whom of which
I cannot find any
but the fewest
of selection

..."

just my reworking of your poetry
which changes your poetry
which I why I dont write this
out normally

but I like this poem
what it says

ideals and concepts are perceptions

Thank You!

The theme is good but you seem to have drawn it into a circle that is negative, it seemed confusing to read, you are either lonely or not, people see you or not. They can't see me but a selective few???
Esker wrote it out again, but as he said it is not for us to do, but it is a hint on how to rearrange and edit, which we are here for, Look forward to your reply, Yours Ian.T