I've gone and stood on one of them
oh god I hate them worse than phlegm
half pulverised to mangled meat
still wriggling, though near obsolete
I stood on it I say again
I feel so sick - it's caused mayhem
I wave my arms, and count to ten
my meal just may, on me, repeat
I stood on one
I know I sound like some weak femme
but those who've done it won't condemn
I scrape my heel, to try delete
the feel of slime on naked feet
bug or slug I squished it open
I stood on one
.
Comments
hello judy
just a quick look , are you following the rhyme scheme you've mentioned in the ex?
lol rula
you had me worried there - i had to check, and yes this is aabba aabR aabbaR i am sure
love judy
xxx
Real fun
Hi judy
this is really funny . I enjoyed it all and yes you do look like a weak femm.Aren't we all in front of these "yuky" creatures?:)
And LOL , I'm still not sure of the rhyme scheme. The difference between the "M" sound and the "N" really shows. I am not sure if you can go away with-You can only because you're the work shop leader LOL
And the title calls one in -Intriguing
lol - workshop leader privilege you reckon?
no – no favouritism allowed
but I do think the rhyme passes as the end sounding is in the ‘e’ as well and to my ear they are near rhymes – I’ll await the jury’s decision
thanks rula
I’m glad that you found it amusing
- and yes, we femmes can be pretty wussy at times like that described eh
love judy
xxx
hi judyanne
I liked the technical aspect of this which I didn't see until I read the above comments
my only suggestion 'try to delete' seems to make more sense although maybe i'm missing something re scansion here
I kept thinking it was about cane toads, but then you don't have them YET!!! in WA.
best wishes
Ross
thanks very much ross
for the kind comment
and yes- it is to do with scansion regards the line you pointed out - in fact i originally wrote it the way you suggested, as it is better english i suppose, but
'try to de -lete'
'to try de -lete'
- see the difference?
and - lol - no, those gross toads are not here yet - but i believe i have heard that they are on ther way.... yuk... i lived in Cairns for a while - then Brizzie... and i hated them probably worse than slugs - but they are easier to see and circumvent i guess
love judy
xxx
A kindergarten child came up
A kindergarten child came up to me with a huge black slug on the palm of her hand saying: "Isn't he sweet!" , I looked with no expression, then had to say: "Yes." We were a Nature Kindergarten after all, and were there to teach the children to love all in nature, but......:)
Squidge- we have those brown ones here now, devouring our worms and others, multiplying at a great rate, dangerous for the earth to lose her irrigators. But I still find it difficult to tread on one, and don't! Coward. I hate killing anything.
Fun poem, love annanya
lol
how you could've kept a straight face is beyond me
i can't stand any creepy-crawlies - and slugs are the worst
thanks for the read annanya
and i'm glad you enjoyed it
love judy
xxx
Dear Judd
YUK !! @ slugs I have a pet snake I dont mind touching him or handling him, but you show me a frog I will run screaming through the paddocks, my brother used to torment me with frogs I am now pathalogically scared of them ..
great job well done, kudos on a yucky write
love JC xxx
hi jc
lol - which pet snake are you talking about - do you have a real one, or are you talking about the man himself?
thanks for the read
now it's your turn to try one :)
love judd
xxx
Hi MM
Very light hearted but lead footed poem. Only suggestion is to change the 'stoods" to stepped. To say you stood on one implies you stepped on it then stayed in pace. Of course it might be that you Did stay in place; no telling with you Aussies lmao.............stan
lol i stood on it mate!
i stood on it lol - aussie i guess
we would never say i stepped on it
rotfpmsl - that is so far too posh for us
lol
love judyxxx
oh yuk
i can say no more beau - i feel quite sick
lol
love judy
xxx