walking on a knife's edge
with barely a sense of balance or composure
just enough thought to get me by
think too much and i might scream
and the door is closed for a reason
quiet
she tells me
all the time
my heart beat's too loud
one too many an escaped sigh
love too loud too much too loud
and my head's too heavy
i was hooked on the crescent
now i'm pushed off with it's waxing
and despite the light i'm fading
this blacklight moon is haunting me
through the night plastic stars
seem to hum and glow
guitar strings tremble
sheet music rustles
broken springs creak
backyard trees sway
the song in my head repeats
and the walls start to crack
it is too quiet without your breathing sounds
it is almost perfect silence
but can't you hear it?
everything i own is calling out to you.
Comments
emogothgirl
I loved the subtext of this. I am not familier with Ben Haward, but your words succeeded in bringing me in to read till the end though I belive some punctuation marks when added will make some parts read better
my heart beat's too loud.......do you mean 'my heart beats ' or 'my heart beats are too loud'
i was hooked on the crescent
now i'm pushed off with it's waxing
and despite the light i'm fading
this blacklight moon is haunting me
through the night plastic stars
seem to hum and glow
guitar strings tremble
I don't belive you need the break here between the two stanzas , what do you think?
Rula
he's a musician; take a look:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7sVoZcSKdc&feature=bf_next&list=PL08BE9…
i meant "my heartbeat is too loud." when i wrote it i was trying to make this driving rythym, whether that worked or not i'm not so sure. that goes for the stanzas, too. i don't know maybe i will play around with the structure some more. thanks for the suggestions!
yours,
mag
lonnie
thanks for the comment! it's great to hear from you again.
yours,
mag