Hidden Love

No1

I love you I am to your spirit drawn
You see, I cannot help it my dear
It is because you are there somewhere
I love you I am to your spirit drawn
Can you out there not understand
It is because I do
I love you I am to your spirit drawn
You see, I cannot help it my dear

No2
I love you, I am to your spirit drawn
You see, I cannot help it my dear
It is because you are out there.
I love you, I am to your spirit drawn
Can you out there understand me
It is because, I really love you
I love you, I am to your spirit drawn
You see, I cannot help it my dear

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It is supposed to be a triolet or something I am trying, I think I like this what ever it is.. In No2 I have tidied it a little with more thought to those tetra or penta things, You will just have to help me with this type of write.. I am not really into this correct form pieces, but it does take a lot of thinking about, Maybe some help and explaination would help not only me, Yours Ian.T

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Leicestershire, Ex Moonraker, GBR

Favorite Poets: All those I meet or read about in my books

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

A nice try Ian

Except that it should be iambic tetrameter. I have cheated the form from our dear Wesley.
He wrote one earlier and i just liked to give it a shot

here is Wesley's if you like to have a look
http://www.neopoet.com/node/triolet

Rula

Thanks for reading and letting me know I did say I was not sure of the correct form but I liked it anyway, I will see if I can sort it out, I wish I had done poetry when at school lol.
Take care and thanks again, Yours as always, Ian.T

Hi Ian

Guess I need to look up the form before saying anything other than that I like the repeated line although I usually don't.............stan

Stan

It ain't right but I had a go and now I have to edit it till it conforms.. Damn these poetic forms, I was only playing lol.
Thanks for your read and comment, Yours Ian.T

Form or no...

I too like the repeated lines. It made me think of a person that is trying to express themselves, but not quite knowing how. Almost robotic. [Not that you are a robot]. ~ Gee

Lonnie

Thank you very much, I was trying to write a Triolet but it maybe several things off of one but I liked it as it was so just extended a couple of lines to balance the whole thing and added as a second attempt.
Thanks again for your welcome visit, Yours Ian.T