Loss

Sometimes I wonder who I'd be today,
If I'd taken another road,
Or maybe sang a different tune,
Would I have changed?

But all I know is that I don't really know a thing.

You think you're alone, but we all stand on common ground
In that we all must cry and die a little inside to understand,
And all you can do is move like drones through the day,
Then you must sleep, wake and repeat, but hey, it's okay,
Because one day you'll see,
That the big gaping hole in your heart has finally healed,
And all that is left is a scar that you hold dearly,
Wondering how you ever managed to survive,
But I guess that makes life what it is,
Irreplacable.

And I know that it's hard, but promise me that you wont ever give up,
Because none can know their future.
But tomorrow will come just the same, the sun still rises.
And i know that it's hard, but it'll get better,
Trust me for I'm still alive.
I know that this is what makes life what it is,
Irreplacable.

Sometimes, I wonder.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I lost a very dear family member recently, and it was very hard for everyone. My mind ran in circles about questions of life and death. Where he is, if i could've done something. But another friend told me that death is what makes this life worth living. That made me think. So i hope you enjoy, and i know that this is pretty rhythemless, but it's something i felt i needed to do.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Missouri

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson

Comments

Hello Nethenial

and welcome to the Neopoet.
I am really sorry for your loss. I bet it is never easy, but I'm happy you've decided to let it go through writing . I am sure it shall give you some kind of relief.

Back to the piece, I think you did well all through . I thought it is touching and I realy loved how you've tried to transfere your experience so others might make use of.

I don't want to show as if I am picking on you (especially it is our first meet) but few things to make yours read better

wondering in "Wonering how you ever managed to survive"...needs a 'd'

And I know that it's hard, but promise me that you wont ever give up....won't perhaps

also Irreplacable instead of irriplaceable

just for a better read.
Thanks for sharing. Keep it up.

Welcome

Poetry doesn't have to rhyme to convey deep feelings as this poem does..................stan

Scribbler is right...

poetry doesn't have to rhyme. You have written about your feelings and that is what poets do. Keep writing, your work will take different directions as you evolve as a poet. ~ Geezer

Nethenial

Very sorry about your loss, and that you have written may help you a little.
Then the replies will help you more, knowing that you are not alone in your grief.
Our Jess has written a piece for and to his friend Jason have a read of it and join in the comments it will help.
Your piece of writing here is good and needs no correction as it is a laid down write, and there is no changes required.
Later you may expand this write or make it a poem but as it stands it is perfect,
Yours thinking of you, Ian.T

Thank you all very much for

Thank you all very much for the spelling. I am so terrible at that! Thank you, as well, for the kind words of advise!