BlueDemon77
BlueDemon77
Sep 10, 2012
This poem is part of the workshop:

Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge

(Read More...)

Floaters

Floaters

By RW

Brief lightning

Halogen flash of feeling

too soon gone

not even an odor lingering

just moments made less savory

by rapid passage

Now I see spots

and the darkness is no longer comfortable

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Columbus, Ohio, USA

Favorite Poets: Rimbaud

More from this author

Comments

judyanne

there is a subtext here. Ron, that I can’t quite grasp, and it is intriguing

great descriptive – I can see that blinding lightning flash in reality, and that one of recognition that occurs behind the eyes

both leave floaters, well used in the write - for as well as the real ones after the real flash of light, for that ‘floaty’ feeling that comes with that flash of inspiration / love / whatever else…

I love this – could deconstruct it for quite some time (if I had it lol)

great write – very memorable for the implications of various themes
love the line 'Halogen flash of feeling'
love judy
xxx

Rula

Rula

12 years 7 months ago

could be a feeling of a child's reflection towards darkness.
A delicate piece., well crafted

I loved the closing lines

Now I see spots

and the darkness is no longer comfortable

I believe any piece that reflects a human feeling is a memorable one and this one is no exception.

BlueDemon77

Thanks for the comments Judy. There are subtexts but they change. I'm not sure for any amount of time what the main subtexts are. Opening to love, then darkness? possibly, openness to truth then fear of it? perhaps. I can say the original image was honestly a childhood image of being in the back seat of my Dad's car as he drove in a thunderstorm. I remember a close flash of lightning and a strobe-like 16 mm film smear image of a tree, then seeing the floaters.

Ron

judyanne

the light of inspiration and knowledge
one instance when the dark (ignorance) is no longer comfortable

xxx