walking in a hard rain
wallowing in tribulation,
drizzling thoughts drip through
dank layers of grit and gray
inventing reasons
ad nauseum
all of which are
swallowed whole
only to be quickly regurgitated
for their foulness
god forbid, these damned debilitating blues
are just a result of life
as it is
so, in need of reason
yet, finding none
I inflict one
and go walking in the cold hard rain
Comments
Al
Your theme is good but I found a couple of cliché's in there that seemed not up to your usual write:- God forbid - ad infinitum - in lieu of...not sure what to say otherwise just not your usual way,
Yours Ian.T
Ian
I'm not sure all your examples could be classified as cliches...just overused, or simply seeming out of place in the piece.... but I defer to your sense of style, taste, and grace. (I agree with you on this matter). alterations have been done.
thanks for the input
regards,
Al
Your piece reads a lot better now I have thought about it.
That you punish your ways by having to walk in hard rain in this write, well there is no need.
There must be other ways of stopping those thoughts filtering through.
Yours Ian.T
Lots of allegory around lately,
must be the effect of the workshops. This is a very effective one. Though sometimes I give up walking and take doona comfort.
had to look up "Doona". I
had to look up "Doona". I like it. I'll probably never get to use it in writing, but like knowing it anyway
thanks for the feedback