the darkest hour'......Edit BY Judyanne

I think i know where you're trying to get to, but i think it needs a bit more work. I think it stumbles here and there, your work is unique. Regards Roscoe...

but I think there is too much ‘play’
you can often get away with silliness in your writes, but I think you need to keep the seriousness of this one

my take

eyes drooping
away from a cloudy sky
lightening threatening
thunder rolling
a splash of daylight
as the sun breaks in
then sudden rain in full fury

folks run for shelter
in a huff and hurry
mayhem
God plays merry hell
I stand dumb-founded
spell bound
lost voice
unable to yell
the shadows move around
as they do in hell

roads vanish
and the sea swims in
a miniscule moment
time wise tsunami
ferocious

all hang upon trees
now growing atop roof tops

many souls laid to rest.
I’m left to ponder the
pangs of nature
we tend to attribute
to
almighty who?

one other thing - the title. i think it could be stronger - 'the darkest hour'? 'God who'?

just me, as you know
love judy
xxx

I too, like where you are going with this write! You have good energy rolling, here. I like Judy's ideas and suggestions, also. Nature can be a real B!tch.

always, Cat

A grand write and full of vigour, well done,
Yours Ian.T

I admired these lines:

many souls laid to rest.
I’m left to ponder the
pangs of nature
we tend to attribute
to
Almighty who?

always, Cat