Lost god and the elves
There was a time as a child
when elves spoke
and god was the man in the robes
at the front of the church
Christianity indoctrinated me for a while
then I tried to convert a jew
Bigotry claimed me, a lapse in thought
and I blamed a gentle Muslim for jihad
I thought and thought and thought
do non Christians go to hell?
Original sin says so,
so I dismissed that nasty idea.
I studied hard too
theology, philosophy, science.
Science provides more questions,
well evidenced theories,
though never claiming absolute truth,
it offers many truths.
Trying hard is a way, a path
(though I'm not a Taoist)
This world dismays me
though I ride on a ferry and am delighted
This world has no justice
and for that I want to leave it but that,
Sometimes I see fairies playing in the trees.
Comments
lol – see – it only takes a
lol – see – it only takes a cause and you have your talent back jess
apart from a bit of repetition (do you mean to use ‘for a while' twice?) and that ‘oh so wrong’ comment in the parenthesis – really not needed - I think you have nailed a great and thought-provoking write
I just love the finish
love judy
xxx
I finally made those corrections
hope you see this
I used to be as good as you, critique wise
Able to see the truth and beauty, as well as suggesting better ways of saying it.
I feel I have lost it.
But thank you for seeing it in me.
Hi Jess
I agree that churches are not to be worshiped. Hmm..........I wonder if disappoint might not convey the poem's intent better than dismay? Also you might try
I lost god
along with the elves..................just a few ideas PS I expect your critiquing skills will return as you get to feeling better..........................stan
No, dismay is the right word
and I didn't lose god, I just realised he doesn't exist. Elves do, I am living proof.
Yes, thanks, I will get better. I'm working on it.
Jess
I agree with Judy one of your better pieces when snapping at the ankles of the system.
I hope you didn't pay the ferryman, you speak of justice or the lack of it.
Well you have one of the most powerful weapons in your hands there.
WWW it can break the world and rebuild it to your liking just go and say so, Yours Ian.T
Not that ferry man!
I would kick Charon overboard and use the ferry to show people wondrous sights!
Good critique, Lonnie, thank you
Sometimes prose poetry is the only way I can convey my thoughts succinctly.
It would be a Sisyphusian task to re-write this as poetry.
When I am braver, stronger and better I might try.
Thanks again.
Away from the poem's subject
I am happy I have at least given you a reason to write :)
I deleted my reference to you
it was unfair and cruel,
please forgive me.
But yes, you inspired me.
apologies accepted
We all make mistakes, don't we?
I still wish you find the right way
as it is implied in your last line
"But sometimes I still see fairies playing in the trees."
You just need to take the first RIGHT STEP..:)
there is no "right way"
we can only keep questioning with open minds.
a few days later I reply to this
I have felt weak and helpless in my mind and my abilities. I've actually been re-considering spiritual ways.
But fuck that! It is for the weak minded who won't accept accountability for their own integrity, morality and acceptance of an uncaring yet logical universe.
I am back and know weak-mindedness and morality.
Choose for yourselves or suffer as slaves to the corporate world mentality.
I never really addressed your critique
I have done so now with revisions.
Jess
I guess that your thought of looking at a spiritual path, must have come from a clambering for some truth some place as you went down, maybe a life belt that could be thrown to a drowning man.
Hey shit happens, now you are back in the upper thought patterns that run your life, eat or be eaten.
There for a moment or two I could have sworn that there was a weakness in your armour, lol, good to have you back to teaching again..
John Wayne said that saying sorry was a weakness, or is it that you thought that the company of others, is what let you be you again, just a thought.
One day outside of poetry we may talk of things that are real and lasting what ever that is, once again it is late so you are off the hook lol.
Take care young Elf and never be afraid to feel, Yours Ian.T
PS:- one of our rules like the ten, is that you are totally responsible for all your actions, and you are your own judge on these things, when the ferryman comes, yours Sparrow..