PLAYMATES

Birds sing in the morning
More than some other times
To welcome a new day
They sing the glorious dawn
Joyful morning music
Some sat atop foliage
With pointed eyes gazing
At distant horizon
As if to see through time
What nebulous future may bring
Yet unperturbed by it

A bird on line rested
Poised in clear submission
The chum keenly clamber
Through numerous rounds
Emptied the runny rear
Pecked her head for support
Twisted tail in pleasure
Allow free fluid diffusion
Unceasing ejaculations
Donating incalculable gift
For the world without end

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: NGA

Favorite Poets: Inspired by an article in an old manuscript

Comments

I see your images and enjoy them much

The problem I have with this piece is that it seems content to skim across the surface. I mean this as no disrespect and I take my own aesthetic out of it completely. As it stands it's a pretty picture and it feels very descriptive, I just wish you'd have dived a time or two to show me below the surface.

Respect,

Ron

A passing moment...

it was a momentary peep through the window to the worshiping birds as they sang joyously and what came as an after thought is reflected on the follow up in Playmates II. Thank you for the comments and best wishes.

As with the Playmates,,,

thank you for your comments and best wishes.

Disagree with Ron

profound themes, bravely expressed.

But most of all your poetry is sounding like poetry. You have worked harder at improving your craft than anyone I have met on Neopoet.

Kudos to you man. I am proud to know you. If I was not poor I would be honoured to come to your country and meet you.

Material limitation does not imply poverty...

You are not poor, the riches you share to people can not be quantified. I am a beneficiary of your wealth of knowledge, not only in poetry, but in some other ways. Though we live far apart, the spiritual connection has collapsed all material barriers. Thank you for being there, I hope, one day, we will reap from the bounties of Cosmic benevolence. Thank you and best wishes.